It’s amazing to think that I started this blog almost exactly four years ago. When I first made the blog, I remember feeling desperate to relate to someone else about all the feelings and emotions I had been enduring. My dad had just been diagnosed with cancer one year before, and had lost his short-term memory three years before that. Although at the time, his cancer had made it into remission, I still struggled with accepting all of the obstacles my dad and my family had gone through. His short-term memory loss especially affected me, as I was constantly reminded of the difficult reality with his repetitive questions and altogether different personality.
First and foremost, I’m proud of my seventeen-year-old self for dealing with these feelings in such a healthy way. Instead of internalizing my emotions and isolating myself from others, I took my struggles as an opportunity to potentially help others who are also going through various obstacles. The main goal of this blog continues to be to relate to others in any way that I can. If a simple sentence or quote strikes someone and lessens his/her pain in any way, I’ve accomplished what I’ve sought out to do. It means the world to when people have reached out and have told me that their blog inspired them and motivated them to keep going. The ability to connect with someone in this way affects everyone involved and makes the world feel that much less overbearing.
Although so much has remained the same, I have also grown so much in the past four years. I have learned so much about myself, and have learned how to truly love and value myself. Four years ago, I undermined my emotions and thought that being strong meant not feeling sad or overwhelmed. I wanted to avoid these feelings, and I would get angry with myself when I felt upset. Now, I accept and embrace these feelings. I realize that these moments of emotion make me human. Instead of making me weak, they make me strong because I am able to overcome them and remain determined to live a happy, full life.
Life is life and horrible, unfair, scary things happen to the best of people. Letting this fact dominate your mentality will only cause you to be miserable. If nobody can change the inevitability of death and suffering, why not learn to liv the best life possible while you can!? Your mortality can serve to motivate you instead of burden you. Nobody’s perfect, and some days, life will get the best of you. Simply stepping out every day with the intention to remain peaceful and happy is enough to truly live to your full potential.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”