Monday, January 30, 2012

so give me hope in the darkness.

You saw my pain, washed out in the rain
Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins
But you saw no fault no crack in my heart
And you kneel beside my hope torn apart
But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
And we'll live a long life
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the lightCause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as you like 
Just promise me we'll be alright

So lead me back
Turn south from that place
And close my eyes from my recent disgrace
Cause you know my call
We'll share my all
Now children come and they will hear me roar
So give me hope in the darkness that i will see the light
Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on as long as you like 
Just promise me that we'll be alright

But hold me still bury my heart on the cold 
And hold me still bury my heart on the cold

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the lightCause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on as long as you like 
Just promise me that we'll be alright

But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
And we'll live a long life

sista sista

Literally how much of a genius is my sister? Teaching me new things all the time even though she's younger...


Would you be truly happy and content with your life and yourself?

•If yes, keep doing what your doing.
•If no, find what makes YOU genuinely happy in life. And do it for yourself, no one else.

Feel the joy of being alive

the ever-living ghost of what once was. 

"The key is to listen to your heart and let it carry you in the direction of your dreams. I've learned that it's possible to set your sights high and achieve your dreams and do it with integrity, character, and love. And each day that you're moving toward your dreams without compromising who you are, you're winning."
- Michael Dell

just breathe.

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you."

In life, no two relationships, situations, events, or people are the same. Comparing just makes it worse and attempting to change it to be the way you want will never work.  For example, my relationship with my dad is very different than most people's relationship.  Because of his memory loss, our conversations never go deeper than what my favorite classes are in college and they are constantly being repeated as if I haven't explained it a hundred times.  Recently I called my house to check in and he was the only one home so we spent about ten minutes chatting.  I was happy to hear from him, but it made me sad that he'll never truly know many things about me and my life and we can never have the relationship we could've had before his surgery.  I sometimes watch my friends who have close relationships with their dads and wish that I could go to him for help with my calc homework or have him ask how specific things in my life are.  This way of thinking, though, just makes it worse.  It's impossible to go through life like this.  Instead of focusing on the negatives, I need to constantly remind myself that at least he loves me and cares about my life, something that some people can't say about their dads.  It's hard and I would do anything to change it, but I can't.  All I can do is change my way of thinking and stay as positive as I can.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

I just finished Marilyn Monroe's autobiography and absolutely loved it. I gained so much insight into her life and her inner thoughts, which never failed to fascinate me. I admire her view of beauty and how she wasn't concerned with the size of her clothes, but with her inner beauty and her fight to overcome the constant obstacles that were thrown her way. Commence the youtube marathon of her interviews...

My favorite lines:

"I daydreamed chiefly about beauty. I dreamed of myself becoming so beautiful that people would turn to look at me when I passed."

"I didn't mind being thought dumb. I knew I wasn't."

"A strong man doesn't have to be dominate towards a woman. He doesn't match his strength against a woman weak with love for him. He matches it against the world."

"Most men judge your importance in their lives by how much you can hurt them, not by how happy you can make them."

"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by just touching your hand or smiling into your eyes- or by just staring into space."

"I've thought about women. Their jealousy had little do with me. It comes out of their realizing their own shortcomings. Men have told me a lot about women- how lame their love-making often is, how they mistake hysteria for passion and nagging for devotion. Looking at me, women think I'm different than they are in such matters, and this makes them angry."

Monday, January 23, 2012

when was the last time you did something for the first time?

In order to experience the fullest life possible, one must take risks whenever they can. For me personally, I tend to struggle with it because I overthink and analyze everything to the point where I freak myself out. That leads me to realize how much I, and so many others, tend to complicate life way too much. Why wouldn't you go for the things you want even if it may seem scary or risky? At the very least, you'll be proud of yourself that you tried something new and you will learn something about yourself and about life. No matter what, these risks you take will result in something positive, so go for it; nobody's stopping you but yourself.

now and then i think of when we were together.

my current jam.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

9 realistic strategies that will have you eating right for life.

1. Give Yourself Ample Time to Eat

Why: People who say they eat quickly right up until they feel full are three times more likely to be overweight than those with slower dining habits, according to a 2008 study published in The British Medical Journal. In an irritating tribute to something your mother probably told you, researchers suspect that fast eaters don’t give the brain’s fullness signals time to kick in, which can take as long as 20 minutes after the first bite, according to research.

How to do it: Check the clock before you start eating, even if you’re having a meal on the go or while working at your desk (never an ideal way to eat, but often a necessary evil). Then stretch that meal out for at least 20 minutes. If you’re still hungry after finishing, take a 20-minute time-out (sip tea; relax; take your mind off eating). At the end of the time-out, check your hunger signals. Go back for seconds only if the signals are still strong. Other smart ideas: Be sure to sit down for meals―don’t stand or walk around―and take small bites, chewing each thoroughly. Researchers at Cornell University found that people who chew their food approximately 15 times, versus 12, tend to be thinner. That’s how much impact these subtle changes can have.

2. “Legalize” All Foods

Why: Be it cabbage soup or Atkins, a diet isn’t a diet if you aren’t cutting out certain foods. But research indicates that making your favorite flavors taboo only sets you up for trouble. “When you label a particular food as ‘bad,’ you’re automatically implying that it’s desirable,” says Geneen Roth, author of When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy ($15, “You’ll instantly want it more, making it easy to break down and overindulge.” Also, new evidence shows that eating foods you like in moderation will give you an edge in maintaining, even losing, weight. Scientists at the University of Oregon monitored the activity of the pleasure centers in subjects’ brains as they dined. The researchers found that the less enjoyable the meal was, the more people overate to compensate. “We strongly associate food with pleasure and comfort, so when it’s not providing either, we often try to solve the problem by eating more,” says Denise Lamothe, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of The Taming of the Chew: A Holistic Guide to Stopping Compulsive Eating ($15,

How to do it: Instead of focusing on do’s and don’ts, make all foods permissible. Incorporate flavors you love into each meal. Sure, it’s always best to seek out the healthiest version of dishes, but when absolutely nothing except, say, Grandma’s lasagna will do, don’t forbid yourself. Cut a reasonable portion (about the size of a deck of cards) and relish it.

3. Ditch Derailing Diet Habits

Why: Most weight-loss tricks―ranging from ways to blunt hunger signals (sipping on coffee or diet soda in lieu of eating) to satisfying cravings (with low-calorie or artificially sweetened foods)―backfire in the long run. Drinking coffee, for one, will temporarily stave off stomach rumblings, but you may feel jittery later on and then overeat. When it comes to downing diet soda regularly, study after study links this to weight gain. Why? “People know they are drinking something virtually calorie-free, so then they tend to indulge in food,” says Lawrence Cheskin, an internist and the director of the Johns Hopkins Weight Management Center, in Baltimore. Your body is also receiving a mixed message: It’s tasting sweetness but not getting full. “So your cravings intensify and you find yourself eating more food than ever,” says Cheskin.

Similarly, small-size versions of indulgences, like mini candy bars and single-serving snack packs, can also lead to overeating. Studies show that people lose track of how many minis they eat and wind up consuming more than a regular-size portion. Then there are the healthy-seeming packaged foods, like organic granola, that have an aura of health about them, so people consume more of them.  But a wholesome-looking label does not mean you’re eating health food. Many granola varieties, for instance, contain a fair amount of sugar, fat, and calories.

How to do it: Sip on seltzer with lime or herbal tea in between meals―especially if you tend to eat out of boredom. This will keep your hands busy and your stomach satiated until your body is truly hungry. When noshing on mini-size snacks, first remove the amount you want to eat from the bag, then put the bag away. Or simply eat the regular-size portion, like one Snickers bar instead of six minis. And don’t let a product’s perceived health quality give you a license to eat more. When in doubt, study the nutrition label for sugar and fat content.

4. Understand Hunger

Why: A craving represents the body’s need for fuel or a specific nutrient. Evolutionarily speaking, you’re especially susceptible to―surprise!―foods with salt, sugar, or fat, because these substances helped people pack on needed pounds to survive food shortages. However, “there’s also the modern- day mental component to contend with,” says Elizabeth Somer, a nutritionist and the author of Food & Mood: The Complete Guide to Eating Well and Feeling Your Best ($19, “Just seeing a food you like can pull up positive associations and make you want it.” Additionally, if you’re used to eating something every day, you’ll want to keep doing so―not because your body needs the food, but because your mind has made a habit of it.

How to do it: Listen carefully to your body before digging in. True hunger manifests itself in stomach grumbling or feelings of sluggishness, often within three to four hours of your last meal. Consider when you ate last. Has a reasonable amount of time passed for hunger to return? Try drinking something first. Hunger and thirst are sometimes indistinguishable; a tall glass of water might be all it takes to satisfy you for a while.

5. Recognize Fullness

Why: Technically, you’re full when you’ve eaten enough to fill your stomach and given your body adequate fuel to run on for the next several hours. At that point, your stomach tells your brain it’s done, and your brain starts producing fullness hormones that make you intuitively know this. But fullness is a subtle concept. Mostly it involves a physical heaviness and a vague sense that you don’t want to eat any more. And it can be easy to ignore accidentally. In a Cornell University experiment, people eating soup from bowls being secretly refilled consumed 73 percent more than those eating from regular bowls. A good way to avoid overindulging is to get reacquainted with your hunger signs.

How to do it: Midway through your next meal, with half your food left on your plate, pause and place your hands on your belly. Close your eyes and ask yourself how full you feel on a scale of 1 to 10, with “just right” being six or seven on that scale, says Lamothe. Three should mean “Eat a little more,” and nine should signal “Have more and you’ll be uncomfortably full!” Over time, you’ll train yourself to stop automatically, no matter how much of a favorite the food is. Remember: You can always have more of something later, when you’re hungry again.

6. Plate Your Food Differently

Why: Sure, your body can trick itself into thinking it’s hungry when it’s not, but how you serve your food can influence how much you’ll eat. “If you switch from a 12½-inch plate to a 10½-inch one, you’ll eat 22 percent less―without feeling any hungrier or less satisfied,” says Brian Wansink, Ph.D., author of Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think ($25, Also be aware of how easy it is to space out during a meal: A 2007 Cornell University study found that restaurant customers eating chicken wings consumed significantly more if the bones were bused away as they piled up, essentially removing the evidence of how much the people had already polished off.

How to do it: Use the half-plate rule: Fill 50 percent of your dish with salad, vegetables, and fruit. These foods all have a lot of mass but little fat and calories. That way, you cut down on the amount of room left for more caloric foods, such as meats, pastas, or sweets.

7. Choose the Best Fuel

Why: Our bodies weren’t designed to eat something made in a lab,” says Somer. Whole and unprocessed foods are packed with vitamins and nutrients and are often lower in sugar and fat than packaged ones. What’s more, foods high in protein, fiber, or water can help satiate you faster and for longer. “The more time it takes your body to break a food down, the longer you’ll stay full,” says Cheskin. Meals high in protein make you feel up to 25 percent fuller and are more filling calorie for calorie. On the flip side, sugar and simple carbohydrates take practically no time to be absorbed.

How to do it: Make simple, whole foods your first picks when you have a craving. Go with dried fruit when you have a yen for something super-sweet, for example, or nuts for something savory. Choose protein-rich foods, like nonfat yogurt and lean meats, and load up on fiber-dense legumes and vegetables.

8. Check Your Mood

Why: Anyone who has ever soothed a broken heart with a pint―or two―of Ben & Jerry’s can probably attest to the fact that hunger isn’t the only thing that can make you hungry. Data from the University of North Carolina indicate that stress, loneliness, anxiety, anger, boredom, guilt, and sadness can all make people crave food when their bodies don’t physically need it. Research also shows that people eat more when they’re experiencing joy, excitement, or anticipation. The key to breaking these habits is how you deal with the eating slipups while they happen or right afterward, says Marsha Hudnall, a registered dietitian and the director of Green Mountain at Fox Run, a women’s health retreat in Ludlow, Vermont. Indeed, a 2007 study found that most people can stop an episode in its tracks by being aware of it and not beating themselves up for the slip.

How to do it: Create a list of coping mechanisms that don’t involve food―taking a walk, calling a friend, reading a book. Each time you’re tempted, act on the list. And if you’ve already leapt into a pizza binge before you looked, remind yourself that it happens to everyone, then turn to the list. And plan ahead: If you know you snack because of stress or nerves (staring down a deadline, say) or out of habit (watching a favorite show while crunching chips), make your need to nosh less damaging by having something healthier on hand. In time, you’ll wean yourself away from mindless munching when you realize you have no desire to devour crudités with the same abandon.

9. Eat a Little, Often

Why: It bears repeating: People who skip breakfast are 4½ times more likely to be obese than others. In fact, studies overwhelmingly link any kind of meal skipping or irregular eating patterns to obesity.

How to do it: Eat something small and healthy every few hours, suggests Cheskin. Then you’ll never be so famished that you lose control at the sight of food, and mealtimes won’t feel like the last supper. Rest assured―you’ll eat again.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

100 healthy snack ideas.

1. Frozen Grapes
2. String Cheese
3. Banana
4. Frozen Banana (peel it first, stick in the freezer overnight- it's like a yummy popsicle)
5. Low-fat Yogurt
6. Sugar-free or fat-free pudding
7. Apple dipped in Peanut Butter (or spread peanut butter on top of apple slice and top with pecans . . . so good!)
8. 100-calorie bag of popcorn
9. Applesauce
10. Raw veggies with hummus (my new favorite!)
11. Almonds
12. Apple
13. Skinny S'more (two graham crackers with one roasted marshmallow and one small square dark chocolate)
14. Smoked Beef Jerky (about 1 oz- look for low-sodium!)
15. Chocolate Milk
16. Hard Boiled Egg
17. Sunflower Seeds
18. Cottage Cheese
19. Sliced Cantelope
20. Raisins
21. Pita Bread and Hummus
22. Rice Cakes
23. Sugar-free Jello
24. Dried Fruits
25. Frozen Yoplait Whips Yogurt (these seriously taste like ice cream when they are frozen!)
26. Air-Popped Popcorn
27. Pistachios
28. Clementines (we call them Cuties or Clemmies)
29. Fruit Smoothie (or Kristen's Green Smoothie- it's actually delicious!)
30. Handful of olives
31. Pickles
32. Handful of blueberries with 2 tablespoons fat-free Cool-Whip
33. Ants on a Log (celery with peanut butter and raisins)
34. 1 cup mixed berry salad (raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, and/or blackberries) tossed with one tablespoon fresh-squeezed orange juice.
35. Peanut Butter and Bananas on whole wheat bread
36. Trail Mix (make your own! Throw in dried fruit, sunflower seeds, nuts, low-sugar cereals, and even the occasional piece of candy for something sweet.)
37. Orange Slices
38. Cherry Tomatoes
39. Graham Crackers
40. Small Green Salad with light dressing
41. Mango smoothie (frozen mango, mango Greek Yogurt, and a small amount of orange juice)
42. Kabobs (thread low-fat meat, low-fat cheese, pineapple and cherry tomatoes onto a stick- my kids love anything on a stick!)
43. Half of a  Cinnamon-Raisin topped with peanut butter and banana slices
44. Grilled Pineapple (throw them on the grill or a skillet on med. heat for two minutes or until golden)
45. Baked Apples (one tennis ball-sized apple, cored, filled with 1 teaspoon brown sugar and cinnamon, and baked until tender)
46. Animal Crackers
47. Strawberries dipped in fat-free Cool Whip
48. Low-fat tortilla topped with egg salad, shredded carrots and cucumber slices
49. Parfait (build your own with Greek yogurt or plain yogurt, fruit, and granola) 
50. Bowl of bran flakes with 1/2 cup skim milk and berries
51. Guacamole with veggies
52. Triscuit's Thin Crisps dipped in cottage cheese or hummus
53. Cashews
54. Pretzels
55. Sun Chips (portion control! Read the serving amount on the side!)
56. Cheesy Breaded Tomatoes: Two roasted plum tomatoes sliced and topped with 2 tablespoons breadcrumbs and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese.
57. Sugar Snap Peas
58. Steamed Veggies (steam non-starchy vegetables in a microwave safe bag and sprinkle with 1 tablespoon of parmesan cheese or 1/4 cup pasta sauce)
59. Apricots
60. Laughing Cow Light Cheese Wedges
61. Any 100 calorie pack
62. Snack/Granola bar (around 150 calories or less, like Kellogg's All-Bran, Kashi TLC Trail Mix, or Fiber one Bar)
63. Baked chips (about 7-10) with salsa
64. Soy Chips
65. Protein Bar
66. Sweet Potato Fries (one light-bulb sized sweet potato sliced, tossed with 1 teaspoon olive oil, and baked at 400° for 10 minutes)
67. Wrap (I like a slice of turkey, swiss cheese, baby spinach leaves, and cranberry relish wrapped up in a tortilla)
68. Pumpkin Seeds (2 tablespoons pumpkin seeds, sprayed with oil (just a spritz!) and baked at for 400° for 15 minutes or until brown. Sprinkle a tiny amount of salt on top)
69. Bean Salad
70. Broccoli Florets
71. Peaches and Cottage Cheese
72. Chopped Red Peppers (dipped in fat free ranch)
73. V8 Vegetable Juice
74. Tuna with Triscuit crackers
75. Cooked and Cubed Chicken Breast
76. Homemade Popsicles (puree watermelon, strawberries, mango, banana, etc and freeze in popsicle molds)
77. Dates with almond butter or rolled in coconut
78. Quesadilla (whole wheat (or corn) tortillas w/cheese (or not) melted in microwave - adding on tomatoes, beans, corn, olives, avocado or guacamole or whatever sounds good)
79. Watermelon
80. Cubed Apples and Cubed Cheese (this was my husband's favorite after-school snack when he was little)
81. Craisins (I love to eat these with almonds- it's a good combo)
82. Goldfish Crackers
83. Edamame
84. Cheesy Roasted Asparagus (four spears (spritzed with olive-oil spray) and topped with 2 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese, baked for 10 minutes at 400°)
85. Turkey Roll-Ups (Four slices smoked turkey rolled up and dipped in 2 teaspoons honey mustard)
86. Strawberry Salad (1 cup raw spinach with ½ cup sliced strawberries and 1 tablespoon balsamic)
87. Oatmeal
88. Banana Smoothie (½ cup sliced banana, ¼ cup nonfat vanilla yogurt, and a handful of ice blended until smooth)
89. Lime Sherbet (1/2 cup serving) with sliced kiwi
90. Apple Chips (dehydrated apples- they are so good!)
91. Black Beans (mix 1/4 cup black beans with 1 tablespoon salsa and 1 tablespoon Greek yogurt for an added twist!)
92. Lettuce wrap (try two slices honey-baked ham with 2 teaspoons honey mustard rolled in a lettuce leaf)
93. Pecans (try five pecans roasted with 2 teaspoons maple syrup and 1 teaspoon cinnamon)
94. Chocolate Covered Strawberries (dip 5 strawberries in 2 squares of dark chocolate- that is still good for you, right?!)
95. Honeyed Yogurt (½ cup nonfat Greek yogurt with a dash of cinnamon and 1 teaspoon honey)
96. Blackberries (so good mixed with plain yogurt)
97. Frozen Mangos
98. Tropical Juice Smoothie (¼ cup pineapple juice, orange juice, and apple juice, blended with ice)
99. Healthier Banana Bread
100. Peanut Butter Yogurt Dip with fresh fruit 

six sisters' stuff.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

silly dreams & youthful screams.

a post from one of my best friend's blogs. she's the shit, everyone check it out.

words to live by.

"Be grateful to have been given one more day, let alone one more year. Remember to dance in your night gown, sing in the shower, ride a bike, fly a kite, and take an occasional "wind bath" in your bare skin. Give those you love big kisses, huge hugs, and the words "I love you" often and always. Nurture your body rather than starve yourself with fad dieting. On your birthday, call your mom and dad and thank them for all they have done for you. Remember you are not guaranteed tomorrow and that today is as good as it gets. Thank god for everything, everyday, every moment."

"you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one"

Everyone makes mistakes in life, I know I have. At least for me, it can be difficult moving past these mistakes and accepting them as lessons. One of my best friends loves the quote, "the minute you stop making mistakes is the minute you stop learning". I think it is so true. Mistakes and bad experiences are always difficult, but they only make us stronger and more able to deal with life's future obstacles that come our way. In order to live our most fulfilling lives, we must own up to our past and stop having shame for things we may want to take back and re-do. Take a breath, accept what's happened, and move on. 

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

follow me on 8tracks --> cmc33093

pip pip cheerio.

Last week, my family went to London. It was amazing to explore the city and all the history that was there. By the end of the trip, though, I was ready to get home and escape the 24/7 family time we had. With my dad constantly asking questions because he'd forget where we were or what we were doing and just being obnoxious at times, I tended to get very frustrated and get into a bad mood. I don't blame myself for getting annoyed because anyone would have, but I realized I need to work on trying to look on the bright side more instead of just letting my frustrations get the best of me. Don't get me wrong, I still had a great time and took in everything there was to see, but I could've definitely let some things go throughout the trip. In life, we can't go back in time and re-do memories, so we should all try to make sure our memories our special and appreciated enough the first time.