SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: June 22, 2010
I regret all of the years I wasted hating myself. The suicide attempts, the hospitalizations.
I regret that my "Glory Years" of my youth were spent in a mental ward. I regret how easily I lied to and manipulated staff members and doctors. I was so young and so very ill... but not one soul ever knew just how deep any of it ran.
My liberation was found in embracing that no matter what, I'm strange. Just a little different. Years trying to hide it nearly killed me.
At 20 years old- I finally have a life. A job. Friends. A boyfriend. Finally with the strength to go back to school. I'm finally myself, and not someone wearing an overcoat of pain.
Of everything, I'm grateful for the responsible young adult I've become. I'm excited that, after years of being self conscious of myself in every way, people genuinely like me. And I still don't understand how, but I've accepted that they do.
I've become the person that puts smiles on strangers' faces without meaning to, and.... As I type this I'm realizing just how much I LOVE that fact.
I am: A dork, goofy, silly, smart, charming, beautiful (if not conventionally), a good person, a great sister and a DAMN good daughter.
I came from the darkest slums of the human mind.
And I'm always so conscious of not using "I" in anything... and look how much it's been used here. Well, I deserve to realize that things are about me sometimes.
I regret how many teenagers there are in this world that don't feel as if there is any other way out than the most permanent. The pain they feel. The reasons they feel it.
I am so inspired by this post. It shows that everyone really has to accept and embrace the way they are and that they are worth being loved. Too many people I know do not feel that way about themselves, and sometimes that person is me. I feel like the problem is especially prominent in teenagers. Everyone is racing around trying to be 'cool' and be in the right group of friends and go the right parties. All that those people are doing is wasting their time and missing out on making genuine friends. It's sad to me seeing beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and seemingly confident girls social climbing and not being themselves just because they feel like people won't like them for who they are.