It’s amazing to think that I started this blog almost exactly four years ago.  When I first made the blog, I remember feeling desperate to relate to someone else about all the feelings and emotions I had been enduring.  My dad had just been diagnosed with cancer one year before, and had lost his short-term memory three years before that.  Although at the time, his cancer had made it into remission, I still struggled with accepting all of the obstacles my dad and my family had gone through.  His short-term memory loss especially affected me, as I was constantly reminded of the difficult reality with his repetitive questions and altogether different personality.

First and foremost, I’m proud of my seventeen-year-old self for dealing with these feelings in such a healthy way.  Instead of internalizing my emotions and isolating myself from others, I took my struggles as an opportunity to potentially help others who are also going through various obstacles.  The main goal of this blog continues to be to relate to others in any way that I can.  If a simple sentence or quote strikes someone and lessens his/her pain in any way, I’ve accomplished what I’ve sought out to do.  It means the world to when people have reached out and have told me that their blog inspired them and motivated them to keep going.  The ability to connect with someone in this way affects everyone involved and makes the world feel that much less overbearing.

Although so much has remained the same, I have also grown so much in the past four years.  I have learned so much about myself, and have learned how to truly love and value myself.  Four years ago, I undermined my emotions and thought that being strong meant not feeling sad or overwhelmed.  I wanted to avoid these feelings, and I would get angry with myself when I felt upset.  Now, I accept and embrace these feelings. I realize that these moments of emotion make me human.  Instead of making me weak, they make me strong because I am able to overcome them and remain determined to live a happy, full life.

Life is life and horrible, unfair, scary things happen to the best of people.  Letting this fact dominate your mentality will only cause you to be miserable.  If nobody can change the inevitability of death and suffering, why not learn to liv the best life possible while you can!? Your mortality can serve to motivate you instead of burden you.  Nobody’s perfect, and some days, life will get the best of you.  Simply stepping out every day with the intention to remain peaceful and happy is enough to truly live to your full potential.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

the 20- something's guide to self-acceptance

Set the intention to change. Don’t let yourself regress by being upset over not achieving your goals immediately. Success means that you don’t stop trying. Make peace with those who have hurt you. Apologize to those you owe an apology to. You will be humbled. You will be vulnerable. You will find feelings arising that you thought were dead and buried. Sit with them. Be honest with yourself about yourself. There’s no point in working on bettering someone who isn’t really you. 

Everyone is struggling. Despite what Facebook profiles suggest, nobody is perpetually thrilled with their life. The idea that you have to be is silly.Learn to be okay with just being okay. You do not have to have it all together. Nobody expects that of you, and the greatest things in life usually derive from what would otherwise seem like failure. 

Don’t see negative feelings as hindrances but as signs to be followed. Think of your emotions the same way you think of your physical sense of feeling. Your hand hurts if you put it on a hot stove because your body is telling you to remove your hand before it burns off. Consider what your your internal navigation and feelings are telling you to get away from (or alternatively, move toward). 

Write down the things you loathe about yourself, and be honest.Even if it hurts to be put it down on paper, and you’re hesitant to even write anything because you know this means you have to acknowledge this big-bad-terrible-horrible-no-good thing about you. Once you have a list you’re sufficiently uncomfortable with, dig. Think these things through. Consider why you behave the way you do, what influenced you to be that way, whether or not this is innately you and how these actions or traits affect your life. Work on ways to change the things you determine need to be changed. 

Understand that love is a verb, and is an action, and self-acceptance has everything to do with it. Just sitting and thinking about your positive traits and your desire to reform is good, but it’s not going to change anything. 

Realize that life is beautiful because it is flawed, and so are people. Think about somebody you love, and consider how they don’t fit into standard ideas of beauty and perfection. You love them anyway, don’t you? You even find some of these things more endearing than anything, right? Realize that you are loved no differently. 

Know that there is no right way to live. Success is subjective. You cannot follow someone else’s road map. There is no right or wrong way to do things. By accepting this, you start to realize that your life is perfect and beautiful, just not in the ways you falsely believe it should be. Understand that acceptance does not necessarily mean being happy about everything. It just means you are big enough to give acknowledgement.

thought catalog. 

become aware of a silent but powerful sense of presence.

“Incredible change happens in your life

 when you decide to take control of 

what you do have power over instead of 

craving control over what you don't.”

When I read this quote, it really struck me.  In life, so many things happen every day that we simply can't control.  People (including me) spend way too much time trying to control these unavoidable events, using up all their energy on something that won't ever change.  This causes people to feel discouraged and unsatisfied with their life.  This could all change if we spent less time on this and more time on acknowledging that a situation may not be ideal, but that we are strong enough to accept it and move on.  Of course this can be very very difficult, especially if it's something like a family illness or a death, but it's necessary if you want to fully live your life without letting the event consume you.

I think another thing I overlook a lot is that I CAN control what I focus on and what I make my priorities in my day to day life.  I tend to become frustrated with people who don't make an effort to keep up their friendship with me.  I spend way too much energy trying to keep it alive when maybe, right now it's just not meant to be.  Instead of doing this, I could easily be focusing on the amazing friendships I do have and wholeheartedly appreciating them more.

Also, I tend to make my priorities things that really do not matter in the long run.  I too often become so preoccupied with the hustle and bustle of mindlessly studying all week and going out all weekend that I don't stop, take a breath, and realize what's truly important.  I refuse to go through the motions of life, so I'm definitely going to challenge myself to take more time to reflect, slow down, and go after what has real value in my life, like my relationships with friends, family, God, and myself.

have the courage to choose happiness.

To me, this article from Thought Catalog encompasses how we need to look at the world every day.  Embrace each morning as a new beginning; challenge yourself to seek out every opportunity to grow as a person and to better the lives of others along the way.

It’s the end-goal of everything we do. It’s why we pray, get married, go to college, slave through tiresome days at the office, endure heartache, buy into fads, and move through (the sometimes unbearable) woes of everyday life…  and more importantly, it’s why we care so damn much about it all. It’s why we are so hurt when our lives don’t become what we had hoped they would be. Its happiness, and it’s at the root of everything we desire. But what we seem to overlook is that happiness is not an elusive state of euphoria that we eventually stumble upon once all of our goals are fulfilled. Happiness is a choice, and you are just as capable of experiencing it now as you will be once your life looks as you think it ideally should. 

Yes. Happiness is a choice. And you can choose it right now. Close your eyes and decide: today, I will be happy. Today, I will be grateful for everything I have, and know that everything I don’t have, I don’t need. See, the thing is, happiness is not contingent upon the next great thing you attain or accomplish. Ever notice that? You work hard for something, you get it, and then the joy of having it fades, just like everything else you have and don’t care about. And you’re on to assuming that you’ll be happy once you have the next thing. It’s how we’ve been conditioned: to work toward being better, richer, thinner, prettier, happier. 

But it’s not to say that aspiring to be better is bad. The concept of growth is, in my opinion, the purpose of existence: everything is for the development of our souls. So what if we took the energy we put toward making ourselves appear successful and happy and put it toward actually being happy, right now. What if we made the next goal to be happy… not in 15 less pounds from now, not in a $15,000 raise from now, not once we have the person we’ve been swooning over, not once we’re better. Just now, just because we’re alive, just because we’re here, and just because there’s something in us that the world needs. Because there is someone, somewhere, who loves us (or will love us) just as we are, right now. 

Happiness, if you think about it, is the biggest conundrum we face. The pursuit of it is why we do basically everything that we do, and yet, none of that effort is necessary: it’s the simplest choice of changing our state of mind. 

But if you’re worried that being unconditionally happy for yourself is selfish, consider this. Once you’re happy, you’ll find that you begin a domino effect. You’ll exude peace to others. You’ll make the first impact and the ripple effect of peacemaking will follow. My inner hippie has always believed that peace for the world around us has to begin within us. We’re all preaching and fighting (note the irony) for a more peaceful existence, and yet we’re not changing ourselves. So for the sake of your own happiness, for the sake of the world around you, and for the sake of everybody who you love and care for, be happy. Choose to fill yourself with love, light and positive energy. 

You choose happiness. You choose what success is. You choose your family. You choose your home. (I personally believe it’s the person or place you always return to, but that’s just me). What you may not realize is that every aspect of your life is changeable, and more important, beautiful, just as it is… because you’ve chosen it. You know what you have to do now, and just like more often than not in life, you know what the right thing is. It’s just having the courage to do it. It’s easy to sit in your misery and feel sorry for yourself. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that worrying about something will change it. 

Have the courage to choose happiness.

thought catalog. 

“don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.”

It's so important to make sure that you always take time to just simply be.  So often, we get wrapped up in doing what we think we should do and what everyone else thinks we should do. Sometimes, you gotta just let your hair down, make a nice cup of tea, and relax.  Some of my best thinking and reflecting occurs during this time, not to mention I feel so relaxed and rejuvenated afterwards. In a world of business and constant bustling around, it's easy to get caught up. Resist the need to keep up with everyone else and do what YOU need to do to make yourself peaceful and happier. Enjoy the simple pleasure of doing nothing and be endlessly grateful for the little things that make up who you are.

"I think it’s intoxicating when somebody is so unapologetically who they are."

45 life lessons, written by a 90 year old.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.9. Save for things that matter.10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.24. The most important sex organ is the brain.25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’27. Always choose Life.28. Forgive but don’t forget.29. What other people think of you is none of your business.30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.33. Believe in miracles.34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.37. Your children get only one childhood.38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’dgrab ours back.41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.42. The best is yet to come…43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.44. Yield.45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

“Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”

"life is nothing if you're not obsessed."

This weekend, I went on a weekend long silent retreat.  It was amazing to get away from everything and reflect about my life and about my relationship with God.  At first, it felt weird leaving my phone, my friends, and everything for the weekend, but I'm so glad that I took that time for myself.  

It's sad that so many people miss out on life's most precious moments because they feel they're going to miss out on a social event or simply because they don't want to seem "weird" or different from everyone else.  I definitely fall into that sometimes.  For example, I used to not want to study abroad during the year for fear of missing out on campus or of having my friends "replace" me.  I'm happy I've realized this and have overcome it because although those are legitimate possibilities that could happen, I would miss out on an amazing opportunity that will help me grow as a person and learn so much.  

I love the quote, "life is nothing if you're not obsessed".  It emphasizes the necessity to be passionate about your own life and to dive into it, searching for new and exciting things/people to explore.  It's so incredibly easy for people, especially in college, to become complacent and to just conform and simply go through the motions.  That is NOT a way to live.  The quote, "life begins at the end of your comfort zone" also captures this important way to be.  You aren't living unless you're pushing yourself to be the best that you can possibly be.  And to find that, you must try new things, and make mistakes on the way.

"and she thinks she's a beauty, and therefore i think she's a beauty too"

lack of passion is fatal.

“I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.”