Below is a blog post from my little sister, Margaret.  Everyone check out her amazing blog at Absolute Compassion!  Rockkk on, sista! 

“The fact is that when you make the other suffer, he will try to find relief by making you suffer more. The result is an escalation of suffering on both sides.” - Thích Nhất Hạnh

Obviously when you are hurt by someone you want to hurt them back. It’s the first instinct. It’s a defense mechanism. But think where that will get you with that person. It will lead to so much more suffering and heartache. No one wants to be around a spiteful person who will just do stuff to hurt you.

That is just so genuinely mean and sad that someone would just want to make you suffer. But you will always encounter those people. If you love someone and you want the best for that person, why would you want to cause suffering to that person? It makes zero sense to me but recently people do shit just to hurt me. How am I supposed to react? It just gets to me. It works. Their mean spiritedness hurts me. As much as I don’t want it to, it does.

How do I act on it? I can’t just let it go because I have such anger and resentment. Giving a reaction will just give that person what they want. But who would want that negativity and drama in their lives?! This person is toxic and spiteful and it’s not fair. It just proves how they shouldn’t be in my life. So yes, you are supposed to let it go and do whatever you need to it away from you. Block them. Do whatever. No matter how bad I want them to be happy and want the best for them, they just want me to be sad. Why is that ok?

Know that if this is the case for you, your frequencies just don’t match. The level of awareness just isn’t the same and there is nothing you can do.

Bottom line, there is nothing you can do about it. The only option is just to let it go. If you don’t let it go there will just be more suffering. Pointless suffering. Pointless negativity. Get that negativity out of your life and live in YOUR truth

have the courage to choose happiness.

To me, this article from Thought Catalog encompasses how we need to look at the world every day.  Embrace each morning as a new beginning; challenge yourself to seek out every opportunity to grow as a person and to better the lives of others along the way.

It’s the end-goal of everything we do. It’s why we pray, get married, go to college, slave through tiresome days at the office, endure heartache, buy into fads, and move through (the sometimes unbearable) woes of everyday life…  and more importantly, it’s why we care so damn much about it all. It’s why we are so hurt when our lives don’t become what we had hoped they would be. Its happiness, and it’s at the root of everything we desire. But what we seem to overlook is that happiness is not an elusive state of euphoria that we eventually stumble upon once all of our goals are fulfilled. Happiness is a choice, and you are just as capable of experiencing it now as you will be once your life looks as you think it ideally should. 

Yes. Happiness is a choice. And you can choose it right now. Close your eyes and decide: today, I will be happy. Today, I will be grateful for everything I have, and know that everything I don’t have, I don’t need. See, the thing is, happiness is not contingent upon the next great thing you attain or accomplish. Ever notice that? You work hard for something, you get it, and then the joy of having it fades, just like everything else you have and don’t care about. And you’re on to assuming that you’ll be happy once you have the next thing. It’s how we’ve been conditioned: to work toward being better, richer, thinner, prettier, happier. 

But it’s not to say that aspiring to be better is bad. The concept of growth is, in my opinion, the purpose of existence: everything is for the development of our souls. So what if we took the energy we put toward making ourselves appear successful and happy and put it toward actually being happy, right now. What if we made the next goal to be happy… not in 15 less pounds from now, not in a $15,000 raise from now, not once we have the person we’ve been swooning over, not once we’re better. Just now, just because we’re alive, just because we’re here, and just because there’s something in us that the world needs. Because there is someone, somewhere, who loves us (or will love us) just as we are, right now. 

Happiness, if you think about it, is the biggest conundrum we face. The pursuit of it is why we do basically everything that we do, and yet, none of that effort is necessary: it’s the simplest choice of changing our state of mind. 

But if you’re worried that being unconditionally happy for yourself is selfish, consider this. Once you’re happy, you’ll find that you begin a domino effect. You’ll exude peace to others. You’ll make the first impact and the ripple effect of peacemaking will follow. My inner hippie has always believed that peace for the world around us has to begin within us. We’re all preaching and fighting (note the irony) for a more peaceful existence, and yet we’re not changing ourselves. So for the sake of your own happiness, for the sake of the world around you, and for the sake of everybody who you love and care for, be happy. Choose to fill yourself with love, light and positive energy. 

You choose happiness. You choose what success is. You choose your family. You choose your home. (I personally believe it’s the person or place you always return to, but that’s just me). What you may not realize is that every aspect of your life is changeable, and more important, beautiful, just as it is… because you’ve chosen it. You know what you have to do now, and just like more often than not in life, you know what the right thing is. It’s just having the courage to do it. It’s easy to sit in your misery and feel sorry for yourself. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that worrying about something will change it. 

Have the courage to choose happiness.

thought catalog. 

25 things to do before you turn 25.

1. Make peace with your parents. Whether you finally recognize that they actually have your best interests in mind or you forgive them for being flawed human beings, you can’t happily enter adulthood with that familial brand of resentment. 

2. Kiss someone you think is out of your league; kiss models and med students and entrepreneurs with part-time lives in Dubai and don’t worry about if they’re going to call you afterward. 

3. Minimize your passivity. 

4. Work a service job to gain some understanding of how tipping works, how to keep your cool around assholes, how a few kind words can change someone’s day. 

5. Recognize freedom as a 5:30 a.m. trip to the diner with a bunch of strangers you’ve just met. 

6. Try not to beat yourself up over having obtained a ‘useless’ Bachelor’s Degree. Debt is hell, and things didn’t pan out quite like you expected, but you did get to go to college, and having a degree isn’t the worst thing in the world to have. We will figure this mess out, I think, probably; the point is you’re not worth less just because there hasn’t been an immediate pay off for going to school. Be patient, work with what you have, and remember that a lot of us are in this together. 

7. If you’re employed in any capacity, open a savings account. You never know when you might be unemployed or in desperate need of getting away for a few days. Even $10 a week is $520 more a year than you would’ve had otherwise. 

8. Make a habit of going outside, enjoying the light, relearning your friends, forgetting the internet. 

9. Go on a 4-day, brunch-fueled bender. 

10. Start a relationship with your crush by telling them that you want them. Directly. Like, look them in the face and say it to them. Say, I want you. I want to be with you. 

11. Learn to say ‘no’ — to yourself. Don’t keep wearing high heels if you hate them; don’t keep smoking if you’re disgusted by the way you smell the morning after; stop wasting entire days on your couch if you’re going to complain about missing the sun. 

12. Take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the apartment you grew up in, your middle school, your hometown. These places may or may not be here forever; you definitely won’t be. 

13. Find a hobby that makes being alone feel lovely and empowering and like something to look forward to. 

14. Think you know yourself until you meet someone better than you. 

15. Forget who you are, what your priorities are, and how a person should be. 

16. Identify your fears and instead of letting them dictate your every move, find and talk to people who have overcome them. Don’t settle for experiencing .000002% of what the world has to offer because you’re afraid of getting on a plane. 

17. Make a habit of cleaning up and letting go. Just because it fit at one point doesn’t mean you need to keep it forever — whether ‘it’ is your favorite pair of pants or your ex. 

18. Stop hating yourself. 

19. Go out and watch that movie, read that book, listen to that band you already lied about watching, reading, listening to. 

20. Take advantage of health insurance while you have it. 

21. Make a habit of telling people how you feel, whether it means writing a gushing fan-girl email to someone whose work you love or telling your boss why you deserve a raise. 

22. Date someone who says, “I love you” first. 

23. Leave the country under the premise of “finding yourself.” This will be unsuccessful. Places do not change people. Instead, do a lot of solo drinking, read a lot of books, have sex in dirty hostels, and come home when you start to miss it. 

24. Suck it up and buy a Macbook Pro. 

25. Quit that job that’s making you miserable, end the relationship that makes you act like a lunatic, lose the friend whose sole purpose in life is making you feel like you’re perpetually on the verge of vomiting. You’re young, you’re resilient, there are other jobs and relationships and friends if you’re patient and open.

thought catalog.

“If we listened to our intellect we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go in business because we’d be cynical: “It’s gonna go wrong.” Or “She’s going to hurt me.” Or, “I’ve had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore …” Well, that’s nonsense. You’re going to miss life. You’ve got to jump off the cliff all the time and build your wings on the way down.”

you need to go after the things you want.

Have you ever been emotion-shamed before? You know what I’m talking about, has someone ever made you feel bad for being honest, for putting yourself out there and articulating your feelings to them? It’s a rare thing to do these days, to really let yourself be raw and vulnerable. We live in an age of posturing. People hide behind their phones, they carefully curate their communication with other people, which makes honest moments few and far between. When one manages to slip itself in, it’s jarring. “You’re being so real with me right now,” the person on the receiving end says. “I don’t really know what to do with all of this truth. We’ve gone off-script. We’re like in the 70s or something.” 

You don’t get anything you want by subscribing to the social rules of today. You remain frozen and in perpetual fear that you’ll come off as “crazy” to someone, you’re unhinged, you are officially seen as someone with no filter. God, I hate that term: no filter. What the hell does that even mean? Like, sorry, that I won’t lie and do this elaborate dance with you? Yes, I must be truly a loose cannon then! 

Don’t follow these rules of modern love. They’re shit. Imagine yourself at age 90 and filled with regret. Imagine being surrounded with “what if”s and “how come”s and not being able to do anything about it because you’re too old now, you’ve been edged out of society and the only thing you have left to do now is die. That’s what will happen to you if you keep on holding the love in.
Let it out. Let the love out. 

Read this quote by Harvey Milk:Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really. 

Harvey Milk said this decades ago but it has never felt more relevant to how we live our lives today. When did we become so afraid to love someone with vulnerability? When did we become so fearful of spilling our guts and being who we are? It sounds corny but it’s true. A few months ago, after a long time of doing the elaborate modern dance and keeping my feelings in, I let them out at 5 a.m. to someone and it didn’t go well. I could see this person make the switch in his mind. I was the “crazy emotional” one now. I told the truth and I was going to pay for my sins. 

We need to move away from this constant need of coming across as calm, cool and collected. WE WEREN’T BUILT TO BE CALM, COOL, AND COLLECTED. If we were, it wouldn’t feel so fucking exhausting all the time. It would, you know, come naturally to us. You know what comes naturally to human beings though? Being open, being messy, being raw, being unfiltered, having lots of feelings. Why should we have to stifle our true nature? 

Let’s go after the things we want, let’s love each other brutally and honestly, and not worry about the consequences. Let’s release the feelings inside of us and let them land somewhere special. Otherwise, we might have a lifetime of longing in front of us.

thought catalog.

"I think it’s intoxicating when somebody is so unapologetically who they are."

"Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself."

- Edmund Lee

45 life lessons, written by a 90 year old.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.9. Save for things that matter.10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.24. The most important sex organ is the brain.25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’27. Always choose Life.28. Forgive but don’t forget.29. What other people think of you is none of your business.30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.33. Believe in miracles.34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.37. Your children get only one childhood.38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’dgrab ours back.41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.42. The best is yet to come…43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.44. Yield.45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

just dance til the morning light.

There are things in my wallet I will never use
I'm the 51st member of a god awful group
Connected by rain, they said you're all the same
But I don't know, I don't know if they're telling the truth
Like a field of rice I've grown out of
An Olympian came to fill the shoes you knew
Oh who can reach the circuits that I could never twist
So now you can cross me off that god damn list

Cos there's always that someone who'll be easier on your eye
So forget the politics of living alone and just dance til the morning light

I saw you in the background the other day
On a television see some story grey
You were sat on the steps of the new courthouse
Spinning that wheel, you said you'd show me how
You chased me through a carriage on a train
But I reached the next one before you came
And I pulled out the pin between yours and mine
I kept going, you got left behind

Cos there's always that someone who'll be easier on your eye
So forget the politics of living alone and just dance til the morning light

I heard you were looking for a man to leave
But I can tell you that I'm not the one you need
I'm always three steps behind the dance and the times 
Well if I can't change for you, then I won't change for me
Oh as stubborn as it is, as stubborn as I am
I can tell you that there is no pearl in this clamOr a diamond maybe, I stole its seed
But it was only to try and get you home with me

When there's always that someone who'll be easier on your eye
So forget the politics of living alone and just dance til the morning light

"life is nothing if you're not obsessed."

This weekend, I went on a weekend long silent retreat.  It was amazing to get away from everything and reflect about my life and about my relationship with God.  At first, it felt weird leaving my phone, my friends, and everything for the weekend, but I'm so glad that I took that time for myself.  

It's sad that so many people miss out on life's most precious moments because they feel they're going to miss out on a social event or simply because they don't want to seem "weird" or different from everyone else.  I definitely fall into that sometimes.  For example, I used to not want to study abroad during the year for fear of missing out on campus or of having my friends "replace" me.  I'm happy I've realized this and have overcome it because although those are legitimate possibilities that could happen, I would miss out on an amazing opportunity that will help me grow as a person and learn so much.  

I love the quote, "life is nothing if you're not obsessed".  It emphasizes the necessity to be passionate about your own life and to dive into it, searching for new and exciting things/people to explore.  It's so incredibly easy for people, especially in college, to become complacent and to just conform and simply go through the motions.  That is NOT a way to live.  The quote, "life begins at the end of your comfort zone" also captures this important way to be.  You aren't living unless you're pushing yourself to be the best that you can possibly be.  And to find that, you must try new things, and make mistakes on the way.

congratulations! you are not dead yet.

Congratulations! If you are reading this, it means you are not dead yet! That’s amazing! That’s wonderful! You’ve done it! 

By waking up this morning, you have already bested a lot of people. By standing up and going to work, you’re way ahead of the game. By eating breakfast or drinking coffee, you’re better off than a majority of Earth dwellers. Hooray! 

Does it seem silly to celebrate something so obvious, so mundane? It shouldn’t. Think about it. You closed your eyes last night and on pure faith, you assumed you’d wake up today. Maybe you didn’t even consider the alternative (because how morbid would that be? To fall asleep every night wondering about death). Maybe you tossed and turned and worried about this morning. Maybe a combination of the two. But you fell into slumber anyway. You turned your body off on the blind hope it would turn back on this morning. And it did. It did!
Well, that’s cause for celebration, don’t you think? That’s reason enough to use this day for something good, something right, something productive. 

That thing you want to do? DO IT! Just go do it or start doing it! You are not dead yet. Don’t you get it? Don’t you see? That means you have plenty of time. And time, as everyone knows, is money. And money, well, it can’t buy happiness but it can certainly get you close. Or something less materialistic. You get it. 

Call your parents! Kiss the person you love! Tell your friends you appreciate them! 

Look. I get it. Candle in the wind, blah blah blah. It sounds hokey. It sounds like self-help nonsense. It sounds dumb. But there’s some faulty thinking going on there where you ruminate on the time that’s passed and you think it’s been wasted. But it hasn’t been wasted! It’s all been leading to now, to you, to what you’re doing now. Embrace it. Take all those memories and hold them close and examine them and then let them go. Then, do whatever you want. 

Do not give up. Do not believe you can’t change. Don’t think about the end. Don’t think about what’s going to happen or what might not happen.
Focus on this one thought: You are not dead yet. 

Well, that’s all the motivation you need, isn’t it? 

Did you know that Rodney Dangerfield only “made it” after 15 years out of the business as a family man and a salesman? Or that Ricky Gervais didn’t sell the idea for The Office until he was 40? Or that Van Gogh died in obscurity and shame? The point is, this life is unpredictable. This false idea we have that everything has to happen NOW NOW NOW, that immediacy takes precedent, that success is measured by how often and how soon, it’s just no good. It makes us washed-out at 30. It makes us tired and defeated at 25. It makes us sad. It makes us unproductive. It makes us nothing.
You are alive and that means anything can change. Anything can happen. (Maybe within reason. Maybe there are obstacles beyond your control. Maybe it’s not that simple.) But what if it is? Or at least, what if you can control the way you’re thinking about it? Or rather, not control but tweak, or not tweak but at least consider. Consider! There are, of course, different levels of privilege, different lives, different problems, different circumstances. I’m not suggesting this is universal. I’m not suggesting it’s a fix-all, or a cure, or even easy. For someone lucky enough to be alive, though, try to at least, consider:
You did it. You woke up. And if that’s it for today? Then, that is okay. That is great. That is fantastic. 

Because, hey! You are not dead yet.
So stop acting like you are.

thought catalog.

"and she thinks she's a beauty, and therefore i think she's a beauty too"

"life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself"

In life, it's so easy to lose yourself and begin to change yourself for the benefit of others.  In reality, people's "truth" and their beliefs does not need to be validated or agreed with by others.  In order to be at peace with yourself and to be truly happy, you must remember who you truly are and not let that be compromised by others, no matter how hard it is or what the consequences may be.  That way, even if you feel that people seem to never see your side, you should feel accomplished and truly happy, as you truly fought for yourself and gave yourself the respect that you deserve.

stay eager.

One aspect of human nature than can either be wonderful or destructive is the fact that one can make up their own reality in how they see themselves, no matter how true it is or how other's actually view them. I've realized that when I'm insecure about something, I tend to let that influence my view of myself and how I think others are viewing me. I make myself feel inadequate and I end up feeling as though people don't like me. We owe it to ourselves to be determined to always build ourselves up, not knock ourselves down. As much as we all care what others think of us, it's our self-view that ends up mattering most. So, if you find yourself knocking yourself down, stop, and take a moment to remember how special you are and how it only takes a little self-pick me up to realize that you are loved and that those negative thoughts will only make you start to turn into that negative person.

live anyway.

In life, I think everyone's hardest obstacle is fear.  Fear of embarrassing yourself, of failing, of disappointment, the list goes on forever.  The true sign of determination for a happy life is when people push through that fear.  If everyone let their fear paralyze them, where would anyone be?  Go out there and show yourself that you're capable of so much more than you think you are.

keep calm and do yoga.

This past year, I've become absolutely obsessed with yoga. This summer, I've tried to go every day I can and I can't get enough! It helps me get in shape, while also challenging my mind and body to reach new heights every class. I love that no matter how many times I go, I always learn something new about yoga and about myself. I definitely recommend everyone trying yoga to see if they enjoy it the way I do! However, if yoga isn't for you, I challenge you to find something else that you can be passionate about. Especially with exercise, passion and interest in what you're doing makes all the difference. Try to break out of your shell and try new things, maybe some things you previously thought you wouldn't like. You never know what could end up changing your life for the better.

“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you.”