Do not look forward to the changes of life in fear;

rather look to them with full hope as they arise,

God will deliver you from out of them.

He has kept you hitherto,

do you but hold fast to His dear hand,

and He will lead you safely through all things;

and, when you cannot stand,

He will bear you in his arms.

Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow;

the same everlasting Father who cares for you today

will take care of you then and everyday.

Either He will shield you from suffering,

or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.

Be at peace, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.

Last night, my sister showed me this prayer and I've been obsessed with it ever since. Currently, my family is going through a very scary, difficult time. Last week, my dad had a stem cell transplant, which involves high dose chemo that wipes out his entire immune system. In order to keep him alive, they infuse him with his healthy stem cells. This process of revitalizing his immune system takes time, so he is currently at extreme risk of infection, and now has to spend 7-10 days in the hospital. He sleeps all day, needs help walking, can hardly eat, and has become increasingly irritable. 

This current situation has obviously left each member of my family struggling through it and constantly searching for strength to continue through their day. Personally, it has been really hard for me to be away at school and have to go to my classes, do homework, etc. as if nothing is out of the ordinary. A lot of the time, I feel like a zombie and completely out of it, as my thoughts are solely centered around my dad and how he's doing. All I want to do is be at home with my family, not sitting in the library studying Neurodevelopmental Disorders.

Reading this prayer has left me feeling that maybe I CAN get through this. That maybe I really do have enough strength to keep living my life while all of this is going on. God is there for me even when I feel completely alone, guiding me towards peace, hope, and faith. The most I can do is accept Him with open arms, even when it seems easier to reject Him and just dwell on the worst. Also, this prayer made me think about all of the gifts God has given me to help me overcome this dark time. Specifically, God has given me the absolute best friends at Notre Dame. They have left me feeling completely overwhelmed with love and support countless times, and they go above and beyond to make sure I know that they are thinking of me and praying for me. I feel so lucky and blessed to have them in my life, and I don't know where I would be without them. I see God working through each one of them every day.

I copy/pasted this prayer on a "sticky note" on my laptop desktop. Now, every morning and whenever I feel down, I will read this prayer and remember that God is with me and will guide me through this journey.

“That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time.... God is forcing us on, or up, to a higher level: putting us into situations where we will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than we ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us”

Recently, my dad received some bad news about his cancer. In the past week, he has had to undergo many tests and scans, which has proved to be very difficult because of his short term memory loss and other health issues. Everything has taken twice as long as it needs to be and we have to constantly repeat what is going on and remind him of the unfortunate status of his cancer. During times like this, it's so so easy to dwell on how unfair everything is and how my dad and my family have done nothing to deserve any of these hard times. It doesn't make any sense and there is no way to fix it or make it go away, and so it feels justified to become angry with God for allowing any of it to happen. 

I came across the quote above during a philosophy class this past semester. I love it because it acknowledges that we have no idea why bad things happen to the best people. Although we can't understand why we have to go through personal obstacles, God vows to never leave us alone and we must remain confident that we will only become stronger, better people on the other side. Recently, this quote has given me a lot of strength because it reminds me that I have more love and patience than I sometimes feel I have. Inevitably, I will still have my moments of frustration, sadness, and anger, but this quote helps me move away from that unhealthy place and towards a place of acceptance. Especially when we go through obstacles and tragedies, it's almost impossible to fully accept that God has a plan for each of us that we won't ever completely understand. However, I find comfort in knowing that God will help me as much as I let Him and that these trying times are providing opportunities to become the best person I can be.

I was recently looking through old pictures on my phone and came across this screenshot.  At the time, I screenshotted it because my mom's message really struck me.  At the time of this conversation (last fall), my dad had just found out that his cancer came back, and that he had very large tumors on his chest. Because of his short term memory loss, it took him a while to ingrain the knowledge that he had cancer into his memory. This time was extremely scary for my entire family. None of us had any idea of what the future would bring for my dad. For me, everything seemed to be falling apart and I had no way to control any of it. Being away from home was overwhelming and stressful, especially because I had to keep up with school even though I was constantly thinking and worrying about my dad. Scary, negative thoughts were always going through my head, and I was always preparing myself for the worst. When I got these texts from my mom, though, I began to see it all from a different light. I couldn't control my dad's cancer or what would happen to him, but instead of using all my energy worrying and being pessimistic, I could spend my time remaining hopeful by praying and going to the grotto alone or with my friends.

I hope to one day have the strength and the trust in God that my dad naturally has each day. Despite all of the horrible things he has gone through, his faith never falters. Instead, he remains confident that God will continue to be by his side, and my family's side, and that everything will be okay. Some days, it takes a lot of extra effort to maintain this mentality because all you want to do is yell at God and feel defeated. However, I hope to use my dad as a constant example to live my life like him every day regardless of the difficult, troubling events that may be occurring around me. 

"At all times your world is a projection of yourself. Expansion of self to universal awareness is enlightenment."

I was completely struck by this quote when I first saw it. This quote epitomizes how ultimately, each one of us chooses the world we live in. Sure, bad things happen to good people and we often come across difficult circumstances. It's our job to accept those uncontrollable situations, and to refuse to let them dictate how we view each moment and each day. Letting them dictate your life results in living in fear instead of love.

If you live your life in fear, you let your daily insecurities and daily obstacles define your life and who you are. Instead, we all need to work on living with love. This means that you work to live every moment being the most authentic self that you can be. This means living life fully vulnerable and open, determined to make the most out of every situation. Of course, there will be some days where this is nearly impossible and it'll be a struggle to even get out of bed. All that matters is that you face every day trying your best. By being your best, most authentic self, you are doing everything that you can in each moment. If you do this, you can confidently accept the fact that YOU are enough. Everything that's meant to be WILL fall into place the way it needs to because you're living your life guided by love and gratitude for every moment.

Originally, I had planned to study abroad this semester in Australia. I was so excited to get out of the South Bend winter and explore a part of the world that I had only ever dreamed about. However, last semester, I decided that it would be best to withdraw and stay close to home so that I could spend time with my family while my dad underwent treatment for his cancer. I realized that one day, I may regret going abroad and being away from my family during this time, but that I would never regret the precious times spent with my dad if I stayed at Notre Dame. 

Although the decision basically made itself, it was still a huge disappointment. With this horrible, freezing weather and the additional hardship of two of my best friends abroad, this semester could be the worst, most depressing one yet. However, I refuse to let these situations dictate how I live my life. I'm determined find the little things each day to help me remain happy. Instead of focusing on all the adventures I could be having, I remember that I'm still here with some of the greatest friends, and that I have the absolute best time with them. Also, I challenge myself to meditate every morning and work out every day to stay centered and healthy. 

Inevitably, there have been days where I feel like giving up and where I wish my life could be different. I accept these feelings when they come, knowing that they will pass and that I deserve to let myself feel them. The goal is not to be happy 100% of the time, but to simply accept each moment when it comes and try my best to remain my greatest self no matter what comes my way.

"my advice to you is to remember how vital family is"

Below is something I just came across that I posted about two years ago. Even though I realized the lessons I talk about when I wrote it, I can never be reminded enough about how important family is and how I should never take them for granted. Too often I do the opposite of what the post teaches. For example, I get frustrated with my dad's memory loss way too easily. Granted, it's extremely difficult adjusting from college to home life. I go from being able to (for the most part) remove myself from it and "forget" about it to having to come home and face it every day with expected unlimited patience. It's impossible! However, that's not an excuse. I need to learn to take a deep breath and simply try my hardest to give him a break and remember that he CAN'T remember and that he's trying his hardest. Every day spent with family is precious, and I need to especially remember that with mine.

Through the years, I have learned how important family is. You always hear how important they are, but it’s one of those things that goes in one ear and out the other, at least that’s how it used to be for me. That all changed about three years ago when my dad had a non-cancerous brain tumor. He had to have a surgery to remove it. During the surgery, there was a complication, and it resulted in him getting short term memory loss. Because of this, our family had to adjust to a new kind of living. My dad can no longer work. At night, he can’t remember what he did that day, etc. Our family had to become a lot stronger because of this. This kind of abrupt change in a family member is impossible to get used to- I am still not totally used to it. We had no choice, though, to accept it the best way we could and learn to live with it. It came as a surprise then, when about a year ago [almost four years ago now], my dad was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a rare form of blood cancer. A million questions ran through my mind- Why him? He’s very religious and goes to mass almost every day- why did he deserve this? Was it a punishment? Why did God let this happen to him and my family? For the next couple months, he was in and out of the hospital constantly, reminding me of his six week stay at the hospital three years back. Now, luckily, he is in remission. The doctors say that the cancer will unfortunately come back some time, but we are very hopeful for him to stay in remission for a long time.

The thing to get out of this story is very simple- family is the most important thing you can have. Before all this happened, I never thought about how lucky I was or how blessed I was to have such a loving, supportive family. Unfortunately, it took devastating changes in my life to make me realize it. I now never take anything for granted that I do with my family. Even family dinners can mean everything. Of course, this is easier said than done and at times, I’ll be annoyed at my mom or mad at my brother, but I try my hardest not to. Also, because my dad has short term memory loss, he doesn’t remember little arguments I have with him or if I am ever in a bad mood. It teaches me to focus on the important, loving aspects of my family and to not get caught up in the small stuff that gets me upset. My advice to you is to remember how vital family is. Also, no matter what they do, it is because they love you. Don’t take them for granted. Try to let the feeling go that you’re too cool for them- stay in one night and just spend time with them.

Also, remember that God is always there for you with any problems you have. Since my life has changed, I look to God a lot for strength and hope. Without Him, I do not know how I would have the strength to keep going and be positive. When my dad first was diagnosed with cancer, I was so confused with God. I wondered why he would do this to him. I didn’t know if it was a punishment or he just simply let it happen. Now, I have realized that He does not put anyone through anything that they cannot handle. He has made me a stronger and better person through all of this. He is looking out for every one of us and we just have to have faith to be able to see it.

strength isn't how much you can handle before you break; it's about how much you can handle after you break.

My dad had his brain surgery in 2006 in Indianapolis, as that's where the best doctors were. Indianapolis is about three hours away from my house in Chicago, so my brother, sister, and I were only able to visit him once for about three days. We came about two weeks after his surgery. Leading up to this visit, he had been predominantly unresponsive and was in intensive care. We would communicate with him simply by talking loudly on the phone to him while our mom pressed it up to his ear. We would say things like "I miss you" and "I love you", hoping that some part of him could maybe hear us.

When we got to the hospital, I had no idea what to expect. The first time we got to see him, he was awake and responsive. It was good to see him alive, but he was far from himself. He was asking us about a plane crash that he confusedly thought in and was making no sense. Tubes were all over the place and his entire head was bandaged. This visit was very short, as I ran out of the room in tears about two minutes into it. For the rest of the trip, most of it was filled with sitting with him while he rested. He slept so much at this time, and it was always a very deep sleep where not many people could wake him. The nurses would actually slap him or hit him to wake him up if they needed to. 

I was only 13 when all this was going on, so it's amazing to look back now and reflect on aspects that I didn't pick up on or dwell on. During the entire time in the hospital, I fought to hold back tears, hoping that I could keep it together and appear strong for the sake of my younger siblings. I think to an extent that's what everyone was doing, including my grandma and aunt who came with us on the trip. Nobody knew how to act or what to say- each minute was taken at a time because nobody truly knew what was going to happen to him. Was he always going to be like this? Was he ever going to be able to function alone? Would he always be so confused that even when he was clearly in the hospital, he thought he was in Florida on vacation with the family?

This may seem very strange, but as I think about it all now, the power of faith and God shines through this entire experience. I'm not saying any sort of miracle occurred, because he still has no short term memory and was affected drastically. However, even when he had no idea where he was, how old he was, etc., he still had an immense, ever present faith in God at his foundation. Often when he was in those deep trances of sleep, he would tightly grasp his rosary the whole time.  If you looked closely at his hands, you could see that he was ever so subtly moving the beads with his fingers, indicating that he was saying the rosary in his head.  

There's a chance this could have been a subconscious movement, but I now see this as a sign from God and from Mary.  Even when my family was seemingly falling apart and the leader of the family was becoming dependent on his 13 year old daughter, God and Mary were with us, guiding us through this difficult time, giving us hope.  It also shows my dad's tremendous strength and inner-peace.  Instead of being scared and acting weak during this tragedy, he stayed faithful, never losing sight of the fact that God WILL take care of him and of all of us and that He has a plan. Even when his world was flipped upside down and he had no perception of reality, he still had faith at his core, never faltering even at his lowest moments. This ultimate faith and strength is what I strive for each day, and what I hope to one day have.

"all anyone can do is try to keep moving, remembering that God will always be there to remind you of how much you can handle with Him by your side"

A post from this summer.. Felt moved to re-post it today--

Earlier this summer, a friend and I were discussing why bad things have to happen to good people, like when someone dies young or when a kind, selfless person seems to never have things go his/her way.  Unfortunately, no matter how much one ponders this or gets angry about it, there will never be a rational, concrete answer that will please everyone.  Because of this, trust and faith in God is completely necessary.  Whenever I find myself troubled by this thought, I remind myself that unfair events occur in life no matter who it is.  However, God is there to help those struggling through these obstacles.  He is there amidst the low points, providing patience, strength, and hope even during the lowest moments.  

In my life, countless things have happened that could easily make me frustrated and angry towards God.  Many of these struggles tempt me to think "why would God ever let this happen to me and my family", but I resist.  Multiple times a week, my dad asks me questions like, "so you just finished your junior year at Notre Dame right?" (I just finished my freshman year) and "what day is it today?".  Does the fact that my dad basically knows nothing of my life keep me down? The answer is no. Of course, I feel overwhelmed and extremely sad when I think about how desperately I want to be able to fully share my Notre Dame experience with my dad because of how much he loved it there.  I feel like just giving up when I think that no matter what I say or do, he won't remember, so what does it matter?  However, I have no choice but to pick myself up and continue on with life, knowing that God is with me and will provide me with the strength to keep going.

The fact of the matter is what happened, happened. Nobody can go back and undo the complications in his brain surgery. There is nothing that can ever get his short term memory back. My dad can't do anything to have his cancer completely leave his body. That's the way life is. What my family and I can do, though, is move forward and live every day positively and with as much love as possible. I'm not undermining how hard it can be at times, because the journey can be disappointing, defeating, and tragic. All anyone can do is try to keep moving, remembering that God will always be there to remind you of how much you can handle with Him by your side.

get ready it's a new day.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Earlier this summer, a friend and I were discussing why bad things have to happen to good people, like when someone dies young or when a kind, selfless person seems to never have things go his/her way.  Unfortunately, no matter how much one ponders this or gets angry about it, there will never be a rational, concrete answer that will please everyone.  Because of this, trust and faith in God is completely necessary.  Whenever I find myself troubled by this thought, I remind myself that unfair events occur in life no matter who it is.  However, God is there to help those struggling through these obstacles.  He is there amidst the low points, providing patience, strength, and hope even during the lowest moments.  


In my life, countless things have happened that could easily make me frustrated and angry towards God.  Many of these struggles tempt me to think "why would God ever let this happen to me and my family", but I resist.  Multiple times a week, my dad asks me questions like, "so you just finished your junior year at Notre Dame right?" (I just finished my freshman year) and "what day is it today?".  Does the fact that my dad basically knows nothing of my life keep me down? The answer is no. Of course, I feel overwhelmed and extremely sad when I think about how desperately I want to be able to fully share my Notre Dame experience with my dad because of how much he loved it there.  I feel like just giving up when I think that no matter what I say or do, he won't remember, so what does it matter?  However, I have no choice but to pick myself up and continue on with life, knowing that God is with me and will provide me with the strength to keep going.


The fact of the matter is what happened, happened. Nobody can go back and undo the complications in his brain surgery. There is nothing that can ever get his short term memory back. My dad can't do anything to have his cancer completely leave his body. That's the way life is. What my family and I can do, though, is move forward and live every day positively and with as much love as possible. I'm not undermining how hard it can be at times, because the journey can be disappointing, defeating, and tragic. All anyone can do is try to keep moving, remembering that God will always be there to remind you of how much you can handle with Him by your side.

"he didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."

I know I have a lot of posts about my dad, but I thought it was necessary to have one celebrating him on Father's Day! He never ceases to teach me lessons through his never ending faith, strength, and kindness. Just today, my family was in line for brunch and we got to talking to a lady in front of us. As it always does, his brain surgery and subsequent short term memory loss came up in conversation. He explained it all to the lady, and finished the story with "but yeah, I'm really lucky with the way it all turned out". Then, when she asked him how he felt about it all and if it was scary he replied, "no I'm not scared at all. I have my family here with me and I believe that God is always with me, and that everything happens with God there, so I know I'll be okay. I just take it as a lesson and a way to be a better person." This casual conversation reconfirmed just how amazing my dad is. I don't know anyone else who would think that way, especially when the obstacle of cancer was also thrown at him a few years ago. The fact that not remembering anything twenty minutes after it happens does not phase him is a sign of true courage and complete trust in God protecting him. My dad will always be my role model; I hope I can grow to be as strong and selfless as him. Love you, Dad!

may you stay forever young.

Last Friday was my dad's 50th birthday. I'm so glad I got to be in town to celebrate with him, my family, and all of his friends and family. He is a daily inspiration to everyone he knows through his relentless faith and love for God. No matter what has been thrown his way, like short term memory loss and cancer, he refuses to give up and never stops believing that "everything is in God's hands". He wakes up every day smiling and ready to face the day, despite the confusion and disappointment in not remembering anything from the days before. He is a constant reminder to me, and to everyone, to face life with the determination and positivity that he has no matter what obstacles we may be facing. I love you so much, Dad, and I am unbelievably lucky and blessed to have an amazing dad like you. You are my role model in life and I hope that one day, I can grow to be as good of a person as you are. 

just breathe.

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you."

In life, no two relationships, situations, events, or people are the same. Comparing just makes it worse and attempting to change it to be the way you want will never work.  For example, my relationship with my dad is very different than most people's relationship.  Because of his memory loss, our conversations never go deeper than what my favorite classes are in college and they are constantly being repeated as if I haven't explained it a hundred times.  Recently I called my house to check in and he was the only one home so we spent about ten minutes chatting.  I was happy to hear from him, but it made me sad that he'll never truly know many things about me and my life and we can never have the relationship we could've had before his surgery.  I sometimes watch my friends who have close relationships with their dads and wish that I could go to him for help with my calc homework or have him ask how specific things in my life are.  This way of thinking, though, just makes it worse.  It's impossible to go through life like this.  Instead of focusing on the negatives, I need to constantly remind myself that at least he loves me and cares about my life, something that some people can't say about their dads.  It's hard and I would do anything to change it, but I can't.  All I can do is change my way of thinking and stay as positive as I can.

pip pip cheerio.

Last week, my family went to London. It was amazing to explore the city and all the history that was there. By the end of the trip, though, I was ready to get home and escape the 24/7 family time we had. With my dad constantly asking questions because he'd forget where we were or what we were doing and just being obnoxious at times, I tended to get very frustrated and get into a bad mood. I don't blame myself for getting annoyed because anyone would have, but I realized I need to work on trying to look on the bright side more instead of just letting my frustrations get the best of me. Don't get me wrong, I still had a great time and took in everything there was to see, but I could've definitely let some things go throughout the trip. In life, we can't go back in time and re-do memories, so we should all try to make sure our memories our special and appreciated enough the first time.

life goes on, it get's so heavy.

Last week was fall break for college, so I got to go home and see my family and friends.  It was so interesting because things that I used to be so accustomed to left me annoyed and unable to handle it.  For example, answering my dad's same questions over and over used to be routine and I wouldn't think anything of it.  When I was home last week, though, I found myself getting so frustrated and I couldn't find a way to patiently respond each time.  This left me mad at myself and more stressed than I needed to be.  These little instances taught me just how flexible I need to be throughout life.  Situations, people, places, etc. are inevitably going to change; it's our job to take it with ease and learn and grow from it.  I am learning a new level of patience and maturity with my dad after going to college, making me stronger and able to fully appreciate the rest of my family who have to continue to go through it each day.  These positive lessons are present for everyone; without them, we would never get to know ourselves and we would never grow to be the people we are meant to be. 

this could really be a good life.

Earlier today, I was thinking about the phrase "everything happens for a reason".  I think that people can either find that really inspiring or really frustrating.  For those dealing with family members/friends who get cancer, tragically die, etc., this quote can end up making them feel alone, defeated, and confused.  I think a good way to interpret this quote is that there really is no reason for a lot of things that happen in life.  However, you can choose to create positive lessons and experiences out of negative, tragic, difficult situations.  For example, in my life, there's no reason God allowed my dad to get cancer and to lose his short term memory and to have my family undergo all these rough changes that go with it.  I've come to realize, though, how much I've grown and learned from having to deal with this every day.  I've learned to have patience and to be able to handle more than typical people my age.  I would never ask for any of this to happen to my dad, but since I can't undo it or change it, I might as well look at how I'm growing from it.  Nobody's life is perfect; challenge yourself to look at the hard times you inevitably face in a different way.  There will be days when you feel down and defeated- everyone has them, but it's the overall motivation to look at the positive side and at the important fact that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in any of this.  With these thoughts in mind, you can get through anything. 

and i'll find strength in pain.

“The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen.”

I know that I've talked about this before in a earlier post, but in my life patience can get really challenging at times.  When my mom is out of town, I end up having to take control of what's going on that day, which includes giving my dad his medicines, reminding him multiple times what he has planned, and making sure there's rides for everyone.  It can get very frustrating and it doesn't make it better when I show my frustration and get angry or have attitude.  I sometimes tend to put too much pressure on myself to be the best person I can at every moment and to not make any mistakes.  I need to remember that there's a difference between trying your hardest and being perfect.  Being perfect is impossible to grasp and so sometimes I need to give myself some credit for at least trying and I need to remind myself that it is okay to lose your patience and get angry sometimes.  Everyone is allowed to feel whatever they are feeling- there's no way to control it.  Of course one shouldn't act on their feelings every single time because that's not good, but allow yourself some leeway to get angry or get frustrated-- it's okay to not be perfect.  Those who love you will forgive you and understand.  In my life specifically, my dad may not truly understand why it is so frustrating sometimes because he doesn't know that I'm repeating what I said five minutes before.  As long as I change my attitude and apologize, though, he gets over it.  Of course I'm going to try to keep my patience, but that's all I can do.  As long as I take one moment at a time and go into it with refreshed patience, right there I'm doing my best.  That can apply to any obstacle in one's life.  Never expect yourself to be perfect and handle everything right every single time- you're bound to just get discouraged and angry at yourself.  Take one day, one second, at a time and you'll get through anything. 

“Let nothing disturb thee; Let nothing dismay thee; All thing pass; God never changes. Patience attains All that it strives for. He who has God Finds he lacks nothing:God alone suffices.”

"the ability to keep living and loving when everyone would understand if you gave up is true leadership and strength."

[from same retreat talk as previous posts]

Although he may not seem like one, my dad embodies Christian leadership as well.  He may not be able to be the stereotypical “man of the house”, but he is an inspiration and role model to me through his deep devotion to God and his strong faith by putting himself fully in God’s hands.  He is always joking around and never lets frustrations or obstacles bring him down.  He stays strong and accepts his sickness and disability and learns to live with it.  Also, the way he physically cannot remember a lot of unimportant things teaches everyone not to dwell on the arguments or stresses that may happen.  He doesn’t let these downfalls take away from the memorable, loving moments.  He shows me what is truly important in life and that to handle inevitable ups and down, faith is essential to stay strong.  Also, by spending his time volunteering at Misericordia, he doesn’t wallow in self-pity like he could do.  He still makes serving others a priority and puts others before himself at all times.  

Happy Father's Day!

"Don't be afraid for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

Recently, one of my teachers showed me this and it really struck me.  To me, it explains just how much God is there for us no matter what and we can rely on Him through anything that happens in our lives.  This has become very necessary in my family with all the health problems.  In order to stay strong, we have had to fully rely on God that whatever happens, we can get through it.  However, something huge does not need to happen to need to go to God.  God is with us every single day, through the good times and the bad.  He is there to guide us and help us, but sometimes it is hard to realize.  We need to reach out to him in order to fully comprehend that He is always there for us.  Through good times and bad, not everything happens for a reason.  But with faith in God, and strength, we can find a reason for it and grow from these obstacles that come our way. 

happy (belated) mothers day.

In honor of Mother's Day on Sunday-


(part of the talk I gave at a retreat)


I was too immature to realize it then, but these long hospital stays were especially hard on my mom. He [my dad] was at Rush hospital, about an hour away from our house in Kenilworth. For the first few days, she would spend all day with my dad, come home and sleep, and then go back the next morning at around six. That shortly had to end after my dad, thinking he was on a retreat, woke up and took a shower in his hospital room. That was especially dangerous as he could've slipped and fallen and hurt his back even more. My mom learned from that incident that he really needed to be watched 24/7. She started to only come home for a couple hours a day to just take a shower and change her clothes. Despite being exhausted and run down, my mom never complained and was still always there for me and my siblings when we needed it. She put everyone else before herself at all times. Even when I’m venting about pointless drama or about other unnecessary problems, she takes the time to listen to me and give me advice even when she has a million things to worry about and deal with. My mom shows that she is a true Christian leader through her selfless devotion to family. Instead of understandably breaking down after essentially losing all sense of normalcy and dependency on her husband, she stepped up to become the true foundation of our family. God works in mysterious ways in that he is in the people around you. Their love is a manifestation of His love.

patience is a virtue.

In my life, patience is a daily struggle for me.  Because my dad has short term memory loss, everything has to be repeated to him multiple times, from what day it is to what we're having for dinner to where my mom is when she's out running errands.  This every day can understandably be challenging at times, especially after a long, tiring day of school.  Even though I'd do anything to have my life/my family's life not be this way, I have learned a lot from this way of life.  I can now handle more without breaking down and I've learned to appreciate the present and focus on what's going on now.  My dad may not remember that we ate dinner together or watched tv together or joked around together, but I do.  These precious moments with him are important, and so savoring these times and trying my hardest to stay patient, kind, and loving is essential. 


Everyone has something they struggle with every day.  Challenge yourself to rise above it and find the lessons you learn in those obstacles.  Realize how amazing and strong you are by simply overcoming this every day.