Showing posts with label memory loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memory loss. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

It’s amazing to think that I started this blog almost exactly four years ago.  When I first made the blog, I remember feeling desperate to relate to someone else about all the feelings and emotions I had been enduring.  My dad had just been diagnosed with cancer one year before, and had lost his short-term memory three years before that.  Although at the time, his cancer had made it into remission, I still struggled with accepting all of the obstacles my dad and my family had gone through.  His short-term memory loss especially affected me, as I was constantly reminded of the difficult reality with his repetitive questions and altogether different personality.

First and foremost, I’m proud of my seventeen-year-old self for dealing with these feelings in such a healthy way.  Instead of internalizing my emotions and isolating myself from others, I took my struggles as an opportunity to potentially help others who are also going through various obstacles.  The main goal of this blog continues to be to relate to others in any way that I can.  If a simple sentence or quote strikes someone and lessens his/her pain in any way, I’ve accomplished what I’ve sought out to do.  It means the world to when people have reached out and have told me that their blog inspired them and motivated them to keep going.  The ability to connect with someone in this way affects everyone involved and makes the world feel that much less overbearing.

Although so much has remained the same, I have also grown so much in the past four years.  I have learned so much about myself, and have learned how to truly love and value myself.  Four years ago, I undermined my emotions and thought that being strong meant not feeling sad or overwhelmed.  I wanted to avoid these feelings, and I would get angry with myself when I felt upset.  Now, I accept and embrace these feelings. I realize that these moments of emotion make me human.  Instead of making me weak, they make me strong because I am able to overcome them and remain determined to live a happy, full life.

Life is life and horrible, unfair, scary things happen to the best of people.  Letting this fact dominate your mentality will only cause you to be miserable.  If nobody can change the inevitability of death and suffering, why not learn to liv the best life possible while you can!? Your mortality can serve to motivate you instead of burden you.  Nobody’s perfect, and some days, life will get the best of you.  Simply stepping out every day with the intention to remain peaceful and happy is enough to truly live to your full potential.


“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Thursday, March 20, 2014


I was recently looking through old pictures on my phone and came across this screenshot.  At the time, I screenshotted it because my mom's message really struck me.  At the time of this conversation (last fall), my dad had just found out that his cancer came back, and that he had very large tumors on his chest. Because of his short term memory loss, it took him a while to ingrain the knowledge that he had cancer into his memory. This time was extremely scary for my entire family. None of us had any idea of what the future would bring for my dad. For me, everything seemed to be falling apart and I had no way to control any of it. Being away from home was overwhelming and stressful, especially because I had to keep up with school even though I was constantly thinking and worrying about my dad. Scary, negative thoughts were always going through my head, and I was always preparing myself for the worst. When I got these texts from my mom, though, I began to see it all from a different light. I couldn't control my dad's cancer or what would happen to him, but instead of using all my energy worrying and being pessimistic, I could spend my time remaining hopeful by praying and going to the grotto alone or with my friends.

I hope to one day have the strength and the trust in God that my dad naturally has each day. Despite all of the horrible things he has gone through, his faith never falters. Instead, he remains confident that God will continue to be by his side, and my family's side, and that everything will be okay. Some days, it takes a lot of extra effort to maintain this mentality because all you want to do is yell at God and feel defeated. However, I hope to use my dad as a constant example to live my life like him every day regardless of the difficult, troubling events that may be occurring around me. 

Saturday, December 29, 2012

"my advice to you is to remember how vital family is"

Below is something I just came across that I posted about two years ago. Even though I realized the lessons I talk about when I wrote it, I can never be reminded enough about how important family is and how I should never take them for granted. Too often I do the opposite of what the post teaches. For example, I get frustrated with my dad's memory loss way too easily. Granted, it's extremely difficult adjusting from college to home life. I go from being able to (for the most part) remove myself from it and "forget" about it to having to come home and face it every day with expected unlimited patience. It's impossible! However, that's not an excuse. I need to learn to take a deep breath and simply try my hardest to give him a break and remember that he CAN'T remember and that he's trying his hardest. Every day spent with family is precious, and I need to especially remember that with mine.
Through the years, I have learned how important family is. You always hear how important they are, but it’s one of those things that goes in one ear and out the other, at least that’s how it used to be for me. That all changed about three years ago when my dad had a non-cancerous brain tumor. He had to have a surgery to remove it. During the surgery, there was a complication, and it resulted in him getting short term memory loss. Because of this, our family had to adjust to a new kind of living. My dad can no longer work. At night, he can’t remember what he did that day, etc. Our family had to become a lot stronger because of this. This kind of abrupt change in a family member is impossible to get used to- I am still not totally used to it. We had no choice, though, to accept it the best way we could and learn to live with it. It came as a surprise then, when about a year ago [almost four years ago now], my dad was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a rare form of blood cancer. A million questions ran through my mind- Why him? He’s very religious and goes to mass almost every day- why did he deserve this? Was it a punishment? Why did God let this happen to him and my family? For the next couple months, he was in and out of the hospital constantly, reminding me of his six week stay at the hospital three years back. Now, luckily, he is in remission. The doctors say that the cancer will unfortunately come back some time, but we are very hopeful for him to stay in remission for a long time.


The thing to get out of this story is very simple- family is the most important thing you can have. Before all this happened, I never thought about how lucky I was or how blessed I was to have such a loving, supportive family. Unfortunately, it took devastating changes in my life to make me realize it. I now never take anything for granted that I do with my family. Even family dinners can mean everything. Of course, this is easier said than done and at times, I’ll be annoyed at my mom or mad at my brother, but I try my hardest not to. Also, because my dad has short term memory loss, he doesn’t remember little arguments I have with him or if I am ever in a bad mood. It teaches me to focus on the important, loving aspects of my family and to not get caught up in the small stuff that gets me upset. My advice to you is to remember how vital family is. Also, no matter what they do, it is because they love you. Don’t take them for granted. Try to let the feeling go that you’re too cool for them- stay in one night and just spend time with them.


Also, remember that God is always there for you with any problems you have. Since my life has changed, I look to God a lot for strength and hope. Without Him, I do not know how I would have the strength to keep going and be positive. When my dad first was diagnosed with cancer, I was so confused with God. I wondered why he would do this to him. I didn’t know if it was a punishment or he just simply let it happen. Now, I have realized that He does not put anyone through anything that they cannot handle. He has made me a stronger and better person through all of this. He is looking out for every one of us and we just have to have faith to be able to see it.



Wednesday, December 5, 2012

strength isn't how much you can handle before you break; it's about how much you can handle after you break.

My dad had his brain surgery in 2006 in Indianapolis, as that's where the best doctors were. Indianapolis is about three hours away from my house in Chicago, so my brother, sister, and I were only able to visit him once for about three days. We came about two weeks after his surgery. Leading up to this visit, he had been predominantly unresponsive and was in intensive care. We would communicate with him simply by talking loudly on the phone to him while our mom pressed it up to his ear. We would say things like "I miss you" and "I love you", hoping that some part of him could maybe hear us.

When we got to the hospital, I had no idea what to expect. The first time we got to see him, he was awake and responsive. It was good to see him alive, but he was far from himself. He was asking us about a plane crash that he confusedly thought in and was making no sense. Tubes were all over the place and his entire head was bandaged. This visit was very short, as I ran out of the room in tears about two minutes into it. For the rest of the trip, most of it was filled with sitting with him while he rested. He slept so much at this time, and it was always a very deep sleep where not many people could wake him. The nurses would actually slap him or hit him to wake him up if they needed to. 


I was only 13 when all this was going on, so it's amazing to look back now and reflect on aspects that I didn't pick up on or dwell on. During the entire time in the hospital, I fought to hold back tears, hoping that I could keep it together and appear strong for the sake of my younger siblings. I think to an extent that's what everyone was doing, including my grandma and aunt who came with us on the trip. Nobody knew how to act or what to say- each minute was taken at a time because nobody truly knew what was going to happen to him. Was he always going to be like this? Was he ever going to be able to function alone? Would he always be so confused that even when he was clearly in the hospital, he thought he was in Florida on vacation with the family?

This may seem very strange, but as I think about it all now, the power of faith and God shines through this entire experience. I'm not saying any sort of miracle occurred, because he still has no short term memory and was affected drastically. However, even when he had no idea where he was, how old he was, etc., he still had an immense, ever present faith in God at his foundation. Often when he was in those deep trances of sleep, he would tightly grasp his rosary the whole time.  If you looked closely at his hands, you could see that he was ever so subtly moving the beads with his fingers, indicating that he was saying the rosary in his head.  


There's a chance this could have been a subconscious movement, but I now see this as a sign from God and from Mary.  Even when my family was seemingly falling apart and the leader of the family was becoming dependent on his 13 year old daughter, God and Mary were with us, guiding us through this difficult time, giving us hope.  It also shows my dad's tremendous strength and inner-peace.  Instead of being scared and acting weak during this tragedy, he stayed faithful, never losing sight of the fact that God WILL take care of him and of all of us and that He has a plan. Even when his world was flipped upside down and he had no perception of reality, he still had faith at his core, never faltering even at his lowest moments. This ultimate faith and strength is what I strive for each day, and what I hope to one day have.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself.

"... and the world we live in will be either better or worse, depending on whether we become better or worse. And that's where the power of love comes in. Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are."

Because of everything that's happened with my dad with his memory loss and cancer, I've learned that you can never fully understand or get used to a tragedy in your life. As I've gotten older, I am able to see different aspects of the situation that I couldn't see when it first occurred. For example, when he first came home and had no short term memory, I focused on how it affected me and my immediate life because I was so young. I tried my best to avoid getting emotional and to just adapt and get used to the fact that he was going to depend on me more than the other way around. Now, although I still struggle with those aspects, new struggles come to the surface. I can see the way my dad's disability has affected his potential at living a full life. I can see everything  that he would've been able to experience, but now never can. I can see how his friends are affected; they essentially lost an irreplaceable friend. Furthermore, I can see what my mom has lost as well. I now realize more of what that may feel like, which I could never have fathomed six years ago.

Sometimes, when I become overwhelmed and distraught over these and other realities, I get frustrated with myself, wondering why I would still get upset after all these years, when I should already be fully accustomed to it all. I realize, though, that my maturing mind is just grasping the traumatic situation in new ways. This is what happens with any major obstacle we face in life. We can never fully get over it. This may seem unfortunate and pessimistic, but I see it as an ever present chance to learn more about myself and others and to be able to grow as a person. I would undo my dads memory loss in a heartbeat, but since I can't, I know that God will use it to teach me lessons, pushing me to be the best person I can be. If everyone at least tries to take this approach (it can be downright impossible at times, even for me), life will seem brighter and peace will be achieved.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

"all anyone can do is try to keep moving, remembering that God will always be there to remind you of how much you can handle with Him by your side"

A post from this summer.. Felt moved to re-post it today--


Earlier this summer, a friend and I were discussing why bad things have to happen to good people, like when someone dies young or when a kind, selfless person seems to never have things go his/her way.  Unfortunately, no matter how much one ponders this or gets angry about it, there will never be a rational, concrete answer that will please everyone.  Because of this, trust and faith in God is completely necessary.  Whenever I find myself troubled by this thought, I remind myself that unfair events occur in life no matter who it is.  However, God is there to help those struggling through these obstacles.  He is there amidst the low points, providing patience, strength, and hope even during the lowest moments.  

In my life, countless things have happened that could easily make me frustrated and angry towards God.  Many of these struggles tempt me to think "why would God ever let this happen to me and my family", but I resist.  Multiple times a week, my dad asks me questions like, "so you just finished your junior year at Notre Dame right?" (I just finished my freshman year) and "what day is it today?".  Does the fact that my dad basically knows nothing of my life keep me down? The answer is no. Of course, I feel overwhelmed and extremely sad when I think about how desperately I want to be able to fully share my Notre Dame experience with my dad because of how much he loved it there.  I feel like just giving up when I think that no matter what I say or do, he won't remember, so what does it matter?  However, I have no choice but to pick myself up and continue on with life, knowing that God is with me and will provide me with the strength to keep going.

The fact of the matter is what happened, happened. Nobody can go back and undo the complications in his brain surgery. There is nothing that can ever get his short term memory back. My dad can't do anything to have his cancer completely leave his body. That's the way life is. What my family and I can do, though, is move forward and live every day positively and with as much love as possible. I'm not undermining how hard it can be at times, because the journey can be disappointing, defeating, and tragic. All anyone can do is try to keep moving, remembering that God will always be there to remind you of how much you can handle with Him by your side.
get ready it's a new day.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Earlier this summer, a friend and I were discussing why bad things have to happen to good people, like when someone dies young or when a kind, selfless person seems to never have things go his/her way.  Unfortunately, no matter how much one ponders this or gets angry about it, there will never be a rational, concrete answer that will please everyone.  Because of this, trust and faith in God is completely necessary.  Whenever I find myself troubled by this thought, I remind myself that unfair events occur in life no matter who it is.  However, God is there to help those struggling through these obstacles.  He is there amidst the low points, providing patience, strength, and hope even during the lowest moments.  


In my life, countless things have happened that could easily make me frustrated and angry towards God.  Many of these struggles tempt me to think "why would God ever let this happen to me and my family", but I resist.  Multiple times a week, my dad asks me questions like, "so you just finished your junior year at Notre Dame right?" (I just finished my freshman year) and "what day is it today?".  Does the fact that my dad basically knows nothing of my life keep me down? The answer is no. Of course, I feel overwhelmed and extremely sad when I think about how desperately I want to be able to fully share my Notre Dame experience with my dad because of how much he loved it there.  I feel like just giving up when I think that no matter what I say or do, he won't remember, so what does it matter?  However, I have no choice but to pick myself up and continue on with life, knowing that God is with me and will provide me with the strength to keep going.


The fact of the matter is what happened, happened. Nobody can go back and undo the complications in his brain surgery. There is nothing that can ever get his short term memory back. My dad can't do anything to have his cancer completely leave his body. That's the way life is. What my family and I can do, though, is move forward and live every day positively and with as much love as possible. I'm not undermining how hard it can be at times, because the journey can be disappointing, defeating, and tragic. All anyone can do is try to keep moving, remembering that God will always be there to remind you of how much you can handle with Him by your side.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

"he didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."


I know I have a lot of posts about my dad, but I thought it was necessary to have one celebrating him on Father's Day! He never ceases to teach me lessons through his never ending faith, strength, and kindness. Just today, my family was in line for brunch and we got to talking to a lady in front of us. As it always does, his brain surgery and subsequent short term memory loss came up in conversation. He explained it all to the lady, and finished the story with "but yeah, I'm really lucky with the way it all turned out". Then, when she asked him how he felt about it all and if it was scary he replied, "no I'm not scared at all. I have my family here with me and I believe that God is always with me, and that everything happens with God there, so I know I'll be okay. I just take it as a lesson and a way to be a better person." This casual conversation reconfirmed just how amazing my dad is. I don't know anyone else who would think that way, especially when the obstacle of cancer was also thrown at him a few years ago. The fact that not remembering anything twenty minutes after it happens does not phase him is a sign of true courage and complete trust in God protecting him. My dad will always be my role model; I hope I can grow to be as strong and selfless as him. Love you, Dad!

Monday, March 19, 2012

may you stay forever young.




Last Friday was my dad's 50th birthday. I'm so glad I got to be in town to celebrate with him, my family, and all of his friends and family. He is a daily inspiration to everyone he knows through his relentless faith and love for God. No matter what has been thrown his way, like short term memory loss and cancer, he refuses to give up and never stops believing that "everything is in God's hands". He wakes up every day smiling and ready to face the day, despite the confusion and disappointment in not remembering anything from the days before. He is a constant reminder to me, and to everyone, to face life with the determination and positivity that he has no matter what obstacles we may be facing. I love you so much, Dad, and I am unbelievably lucky and blessed to have an amazing dad like you. You are my role model in life and I hope that one day, I can grow to be as good of a person as you are. 

Monday, January 30, 2012

just breathe.

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you."

In life, no two relationships, situations, events, or people are the same. Comparing just makes it worse and attempting to change it to be the way you want will never work.  For example, my relationship with my dad is very different than most people's relationship.  Because of his memory loss, our conversations never go deeper than what my favorite classes are in college and they are constantly being repeated as if I haven't explained it a hundred times.  Recently I called my house to check in and he was the only one home so we spent about ten minutes chatting.  I was happy to hear from him, but it made me sad that he'll never truly know many things about me and my life and we can never have the relationship we could've had before his surgery.  I sometimes watch my friends who have close relationships with their dads and wish that I could go to him for help with my calc homework or have him ask how specific things in my life are.  This way of thinking, though, just makes it worse.  It's impossible to go through life like this.  Instead of focusing on the negatives, I need to constantly remind myself that at least he loves me and cares about my life, something that some people can't say about their dads.  It's hard and I would do anything to change it, but I can't.  All I can do is change my way of thinking and stay as positive as I can.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

pip pip cheerio.


Last week, my family went to London. It was amazing to explore the city and all the history that was there. By the end of the trip, though, I was ready to get home and escape the 24/7 family time we had. With my dad constantly asking questions because he'd forget where we were or what we were doing and just being obnoxious at times, I tended to get very frustrated and get into a bad mood. I don't blame myself for getting annoyed because anyone would have, but I realized I need to work on trying to look on the bright side more instead of just letting my frustrations get the best of me. Don't get me wrong, I still had a great time and took in everything there was to see, but I could've definitely let some things go throughout the trip. In life, we can't go back in time and re-do memories, so we should all try to make sure our memories our special and appreciated enough the first time.










Monday, October 24, 2011

life goes on, it get's so heavy.

Last week was fall break for college, so I got to go home and see my family and friends.  It was so interesting because things that I used to be so accustomed to left me annoyed and unable to handle it.  For example, answering my dad's same questions over and over used to be routine and I wouldn't think anything of it.  When I was home last week, though, I found myself getting so frustrated and I couldn't find a way to patiently respond each time.  This left me mad at myself and more stressed than I needed to be.  These little instances taught me just how flexible I need to be throughout life.  Situations, people, places, etc. are inevitably going to change; it's our job to take it with ease and learn and grow from it.  I am learning a new level of patience and maturity with my dad after going to college, making me stronger and able to fully appreciate the rest of my family who have to continue to go through it each day.  These positive lessons are present for everyone; without them, we would never get to know ourselves and we would never grow to be the people we are meant to be. 

Monday, September 5, 2011

this could really be a good life.






Earlier today, I was thinking about the phrase "everything happens for a reason".  I think that people can either find that really inspiring or really frustrating.  For those dealing with family members/friends who get cancer, tragically die, etc., this quote can end up making them feel alone, defeated, and confused.  I think a good way to interpret this quote is that there really is no reason for a lot of things that happen in life.  However, you can choose to create positive lessons and experiences out of negative, tragic, difficult situations.  For example, in my life, there's no reason God allowed my dad to get cancer and to lose his short term memory and to have my family undergo all these rough changes that go with it.  I've come to realize, though, how much I've grown and learned from having to deal with this every day.  I've learned to have patience and to be able to handle more than typical people my age.  I would never ask for any of this to happen to my dad, but since I can't undo it or change it, I might as well look at how I'm growing from it.  Nobody's life is perfect; challenge yourself to look at the hard times you inevitably face in a different way.  There will be days when you feel down and defeated- everyone has them, but it's the overall motivation to look at the positive side and at the important fact that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in any of this.  With these thoughts in mind, you can get through anything. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

and i'll find strength in pain.



I know that I've talked about this before in a earlier post, but in my life patience can get really challenging at times.  When my mom is out of town, I end up having to take control of what's going on that day, which includes giving my dad his medicines, reminding him multiple times what he has planned, and making sure there's rides for everyone.  It can get very frustrating and it doesn't make it better when I show my frustration and get angry or have attitude.  I sometimes tend to put too much pressure on myself to be the best person I can at every moment and to not make any mistakes.  I need to remember that there's a difference between trying your hardest and being perfect.  Being perfect is impossible to grasp and so sometimes I need to give myself some credit for at least trying and I need to remind myself that it is okay to lose your patience and get angry sometimes.  Everyone is allowed to feel whatever they are feeling- there's no way to control it.  Of course one shouldn't act on their feelings every single time because that's not good, but allow yourself some leeway to get angry or get frustrated-- it's okay to not be perfect.  Those who love you will forgive you and understand.  In my life specifically, my dad may not truly understand why it is so frustrating sometimes because he doesn't know that I'm repeating what I said five minutes before.  As long as I change my attitude and apologize, though, he gets over it.  Of course I'm going to try to keep my patience, but that's all I can do.  As long as I take one moment at a time and go into it with refreshed patience, right there I'm doing my best.  That can apply to any obstacle in one's life.  Never expect yourself to be perfect and handle everything right every single time- you're bound to just get discouraged and angry at yourself.  Take one day, one second, at a time and you'll get through anything. 


Monday, June 27, 2011

"the ability to keep living and loving when everyone would understand if you gave up is true leadership and strength."


[from same retreat talk as previous posts]

Although he may not seem like one, my dad embodies Christian leadership as well.  He may not be able to be the stereotypical “man of the house”, but he is an inspiration and role model to me through his deep devotion to God and his strong faith by putting himself fully in God’s hands.  He is always joking around and never lets frustrations or obstacles bring him down.  He stays strong and accepts his sickness and disability and learns to live with it.  Also, the way he physically cannot remember a lot of unimportant things teaches everyone not to dwell on the arguments or stresses that may happen.  He doesn’t let these downfalls take away from the memorable, loving moments.  He shows me what is truly important in life and that to handle inevitable ups and down, faith is essential to stay strong.  Also, by spending his time volunteering at Misericordia, he doesn’t wallow in self-pity like he could do.  He still makes serving others a priority and puts others before himself at all times.  

Saturday, May 21, 2011

"Don't be afraid for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

Recently, one of my teachers showed me this and it really struck me.  To me, it explains just how much God is there for us no matter what and we can rely on Him through anything that happens in our lives.  This has become very necessary in my family with all the health problems.  In order to stay strong, we have had to fully rely on God that whatever happens, we can get through it.  However, something huge does not need to happen to need to go to God.  God is with us every single day, through the good times and the bad.  He is there to guide us and help us, but sometimes it is hard to realize.  We need to reach out to him in order to fully comprehend that He is always there for us.  Through good times and bad, not everything happens for a reason.  But with faith in God, and strength, we can find a reason for it and grow from these obstacles that come our way. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

happy (belated) mothers day.

In honor of Mother's Day on Sunday-


(part of the talk I gave at a retreat)


I was too immature to realize it then, but these long hospital stays were especially hard on my mom. He [my dad] was at Rush hospital, about an hour away from our house in Kenilworth. For the first few days, she would spend all day with my dad, come home and sleep, and then go back the next morning at around six. That shortly had to end after my dad, thinking he was on a retreat, woke up and took a shower in his hospital room. That was especially dangerous as he could've slipped and fallen and hurt his back even more. My mom learned from that incident that he really needed to be watched 24/7. She started to only come home for a couple hours a day to just take a shower and change her clothes. Despite being exhausted and run down, my mom never complained and was still always there for me and my siblings when we needed it. She put everyone else before herself at all times. Even when I’m venting about pointless drama or about other unnecessary problems, she takes the time to listen to me and give me advice even when she has a million things to worry about and deal with. My mom shows that she is a true Christian leader through her selfless devotion to family. Instead of understandably breaking down after essentially losing all sense of normalcy and dependency on her husband, she stepped up to become the true foundation of our family. God works in mysterious ways in that he is in the people around you. Their love is a manifestation of His love.

patience is a virtue.

In my life, patience is a daily struggle for me.  Because my dad has short term memory loss, everything has to be repeated to him multiple times, from what day it is to what we're having for dinner to where my mom is when she's out running errands.  This every day can understandably be challenging at times, especially after a long, tiring day of school.  Even though I'd do anything to have my life/my family's life not be this way, I have learned a lot from this way of life.  I can now handle more without breaking down and I've learned to appreciate the present and focus on what's going on now.  My dad may not remember that we ate dinner together or watched tv together or joked around together, but I do.  These precious moments with him are important, and so savoring these times and trying my hardest to stay patient, kind, and loving is essential. 


Everyone has something they struggle with every day.  Challenge yourself to rise above it and find the lessons you learn in those obstacles.  Realize how amazing and strong you are by simply overcoming this every day.

Monday, January 10, 2011

myeloma mondays.


My mom reads this blog, and every monday they share someone's story of having Multiple Myeloma. My mom entered in information about my dad and family, and they picked it to post this week! Check it out!

Friday, December 17, 2010

take my hand, and we'll make it i swear.


When my dad found out he was sick about two years ago, our community was SO supportive for our family. One day when they knew nobody would be home, they brought those flowers and made them into a shape of a heart in our backyard (see pic). They also had all our friends write us notes telling us how much they are praying for us and our there for us. It definitely let us know that we could get through this and had the whole community behind us 100%.

Little instances like this where someone goes out of their way for you is amazing. It means way more to the person than they think it will. Try to go out of your way for someone who needs an extra boost or needs support. You never know how much it will affect them. Also, those who are maybe going through a challenging time- know that you have more people there for you than you think, no matter what! Even if there is nobody at your school or community who you feel like you can talk to, know that I am here! I know how hard it feels thinking you have nobody to talk to; nobody should feel that way! My blog and I personally here for support, advice, to listen, anythingg!

YOU CAN DO IT.
You are stronger than you think.
What doesn't kill you make you stronger.
You are amazing-- just the way you are.
You are made to do amazing things.
You are loveable and worthy of being loved, no matter what.